Legal Laughs

Good morning Everyone!

Every experienced attorney and judge has had one or two cases that they couldn’t wait to get rid of.  When it is over, we are immensely relieved.  One judge’s relief boiled over into the following order which is making the e-mail rounds in legal land:

The herein matter having been scheduled for a trial by jury commencing July 13, 2011, and numerous pre-trial motions having yet to be decided and remaining under submission;

And the parties having informed the Court that the herein matter has been settlement amicably,  FN.  [The Court uses the word ‘amicably’ loosely.], and that there is no need for a Court ruling on the remaining motions and also that there is no need for a trial;

And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar, and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory;

IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED AND ADJUDGED by the Court as follows:

1.  The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELED;

2.  Any and all pending motions will remain under submission pending the filing of an Agreed Judgment, Agreed Entry of Dismissal or other pleadings consistent with the parties’ settlement;

3.  The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office. 

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy