Tag Archives: golf course

Golf – for the rest of us!

Good morning everyone! 

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller  hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. – Winston Churchill

It has been early spring since I played golf.  Of course, I use the term “play” quite loosely – a better description of my golf game involves the use of the terms “machete” and “hack” but you get the idea.  Mark is much better than I am, but due to a condition similar to Phil Mickelson’s psoriatic arthritis, some days he plays better than others.  Kayla’s golf game has yet to be defined; she currently has been told that she plays a specialized position known as “ball spotter and fetcher” which requires a person to run out and retrieve balls from a distance, but does allow a chance at a shot or two to the green from a short distance away, along with an occasional turn at driving the golf cart.   

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller

Even though we haven’t played golf, not even gone to the driving range, since about April, we do watch it quite frequently.  The pros make it look so easy!  The magnificent way they step up to a ball, take a swing and hit it continually amazes me, not to mention the fact that they can make that same ball travel an amazing distance in a straight line!  This year’s Master’s finish was one of the most exciting finishes to a pro tournament I can remember for a long time, and I think we all were excited to see Rory McIlroy, a young (to me) Irish kid who seems as nice as he possibly can be, win the U.S. Open.  The pros make me believe for one shining moment that I can hit the ball – until that deflating moment when I stand at the first tee of the first hole, carefully place my ball on the wooden peg, take my practice swing, then swing with everything I have – only to find that I completely missed the ball, yet again.

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. ~Harry Vardon

However, Mark, my husband, had a brilliant idea while we were at the beach, driving around and passing by golf courses on which I never will be good enough to play.  (Why do they insist on putting people’s houses on either side of the fairway?)  He calls it “Mark’s Golf Course for Regular Guys.”  Its motto is “Golf – for the Rest of Us!”  He has gone so far as to prepare the following prospectus:  

Mark’s Golf Course for Regular Guys:  The only water is in bottles and par is a theoretical ideal, not a hard and fast goal. In fact, score cards are generally frowned. The greens all slope toward the middle like a big drain and mulligans are in vogue. The quality of the golf may not be world-class, but there is plenty of barbecue and good friends. Prices are low, the scores are high and everyone has fun. For investment opportunities contact….

I intend to be one of the first customers! 

I know of a great tool that will take five strokes off  any game.  It’s called an eraser.  – Arnold Palmer

Have a great day everyone!