Category Archives: Humor

Lost in Translation


Good morning Everyone!

I was writing  yesterday’s morning post with my habitual glass of Diet Coke beside me when Kayla approached with a straw in her hand.  Being the prescient parent that I am, I knew what she wanted, so immediately said,” Do not drink my drink.  There is an unopened can in the kitchen.”  (It’s not that I mind giving my daughter drinks, but I loathe the thought of her drinking from a drink I’m drinking; all I can think about are all the germs she encounters during the day at school and I at work and how I don’t want to share either with her.  And it’s a territorial thing, too.)

Since she’s not deaf, I know she heard me.   Did she turn on her heel and go forth to the kitchen?  Of course not.

Looking straight at me, she leaned down to put her straw in my drink.

I try hard not to get mad with Kayla in the morning, doing my best to be sure she starts her day off well.  A good friend gave me that advice, although she also warned me there would be mornings when I would be biting my tongue in half if I tried it.  It is a good idea and I have tried my best, but when Kayla ignored me yesterday I lost it.

I slammed my hand down on the sofa’s arm and shouted through gritted teeth, “Stop!  Quit ignoring me!” (What I really wanted to do was clutch my drink to my chest and shout “Mine!  Mine!  Mine!”)

Shocked, she wailed, “I just wanted some of your drink!”

I snarled,” And I told you  no, go get some from the can in the kitchen.”

The child had the nerve to answer, “Well, you don’t need to get all mad; I didn’t understand you!”

In keeping with the whole “bite-my-tongue” thing, I did not suggest that then perhaps she should attend English as a second language classes but let the moment pass so she could finish getting ready for her day.

It is a matter of record that she did not try to drink from my drink the rest of the morning.

Have a great day!

Nancy

 

 

 

Occupational Hazards


Good morning Everyone!

Do you remember all the news reports from a year or so ago that the National Security Agency was “mining” everything Americans write or post online in their quest to prevent terrorism?  Whether it’s true or false, I have always maintained that the banality of my e-mails, cell phones and online messages (with the exception of this blog, of course!) was more than enough to punish any governmental official who is attempting to comb them for information.

When you watch one of the many shows on TV these days that show real life murder investigations, don’t you want to scream at the perpetrator for being stupid when one of the ways he or she gets caught is because he or she googled “how to murder my _______ without getting caught” in formulating their plans on their home computer?  I mean, really!  That’s almost as clueless as was the Wicca-adherent-gone-mad out West who listed the phone number of the man she killed under the label “sacrifice” on her cell phone!  (Yes, that is a true story, by the way.)

I am working on my second mystery novel.  The first, currently called Sleight of Hand  is finished but needs more editing.  Because my plot requires a victim to be murdered by arsenic, I needed to find out where you could get arsenic, how it is used, how it is detected and what it does to its victims and how soon.  I also needed to learn whether there are any medications which are powders taken before meals.  and what kinds of crops are grown in North Dakota.  (Curiouser and curiouser, yes?)  So what do I turn to?  Google!  (Which, of course, led me swiftly to the information I need.)

With queries in my cache now like “how to murder using arsenic” and “where to get arsenic” I now am praying that no one in my household gets even a stomach virus for the next twenty years and am considering hiring a taster for more insurance!  I can just see the conversation now – “Well you see, officer, it’s like this….”  I at least hope that my searches provided a rare flash of interest to the poor NSA employee in charge of mining my data.

Maybe all those people on Investigation Discovery were innocent after all!

Have a great day!

Nancy

Telephone


Good morning Everyone!

Antique Telephone

How many of you remember the game “telephone”?  Somewhere between 2nd and 6th grade, a teacher, troop leader or other adult in charge of a group of children (because we kids would never have done something like this on our own – we had better games to play!) would have us all either stand or sit in a line.  Then the leader would whisper something to the first child in the line, and that something was whispered all the way down the line to the last child, where the final result was announced.  Usually the message had changed drastically by the time it reached the last person in line.

We had the Middle School version of telephone here the other day.  Kayla called me after school to announce proudly “We were on soft lock down today!”  Apparently, a soft lock down permits the activities of the normal school day to continue with some added locked doors and things.  I asked her if it had been a drill, and she was pleased to tell me that no, the lock down was for real.  She said that at one point, helicopters flying over head shook her school room.

An astute parent such as myself would realize that at this point, Kayla was eager to tell me more, so I made her day by asking about it.  The version at the Middle School was that three men had escaped from prison (and she informed me that escaped prisoners were much worse than men who escaped from jail), and had been seen in one of the lower-income neighborhoods around the school.  However, one of the men had only one leg and he had been captured.

Later on that evening, to help her feel better, I conducted a web search to find out the whole story.  One man had escaped from the Crenshaw County jail on January 2, and someone thought they had seen him in our town walking down a road at 5 a.m. the day of the lock down.  The Middle School got one thing right:  he did have only one leg; the other was a prosthetic.  Three prisoners had escaped from some other jail in Alabama on December 24, but all three of them had been captured quickly.

Have a great day!

Nancy

Next!


Good morning Everyone!

I had to have some blood drawn for a test the other day, and so the doctor sent me over to a lab facility connected with the hospital.  When you entered the waiting room there, you went to the receptionist window at the far end of the waiting room, signed in your name and time, and you were given a number.

Since I arrived at 4:15 on a slow day, I duly received my number and sat down – to an entirely empty waiting room.  I waited for a few minutes, and the door to the lab offices opened and the tech stepped out.  Looking around the empty waiting room, she saw me.  She then looked away from me, and called out into the empty room “#79?”

I couldn’t help it – I thought it was funny.

Have a great day!

Nancy

Hello!


Good morning Everyone!

It’s really hard to believe, but we are already 1/12 of the way through 2015!  I have lots to share with you from the past month, but first I have to figure out how to download and coordinate pictures from three cameras taken in two states and one district.

This year, we did something very different for Christmas – we took a family vacation to Washington D.C.  We were there from December 24 through December 30 and had a blast!  Mark and Kayla had their cameras there, so I need to figure out how to get their pictures downloaded onto my computer.  (I’ll have to dive into the morass of cords in the electronics graveyard drawer.  Wish me luck!)  We went to Mount Vernon, Monticello, some of the Smithsonian, saw a play and had dinner at the Kennedy Center, had my birthday dinner in Georgetown and toured the Capitol building.

And we went by one of the many Tyson’s Corner shopping centers – how do they keep them all straight up there? – where the parking deck blew me away!  Each spot on the deck has a light above it – green if it is open, red if it is taken – so you can see far in advance where a spot is available.

Kayla participated in a bridal fashion show the first weekend of the New Year, so I have those pictures to download from the big Nikon.  She was lovely – and the dresses and other models were stunning, too!

I have finished my first novel and three edits of my first novel which I will write about another time.

We also camped near Mobile two weekends ago and went to the Alabama Battleship Memorial that Saturday.  Unfortunately, we forgot all three cameras that day, but I can still tell you about it!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I have been doing over the past month, give or take a few days, in addition to the regular round of daily living.

Have a great day!

Nancy

Riddle Me This!


Good morning Everyone!

Here’s a favorite family riddle:

WHAT’S BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER?

From Print Shop Professional 2.0
From Print Shop Professional 2.0

ANSWER:

 

 

 

 

Boo 1

BOO, ON SPAGHETTI NIGHT!

(Boo is one of Mandy’s nicknames.)

She looks very repentant when caught in the act, doesn’t she?

DSC_0614

Have a great day!

Nancy

A Letter from my Fourth Grade Self


Good morning Everyone!

Mark is steadily working on getting the garage unpacked so that we can get both cars in – winter is coming, and neither of us are fond of scraping ice or wiping cold wet dew off of our car windows.  While we were working on unpacking, we came across a box of keepsakes I got from my grandparents after they both passed away.  In it was the following letter to them from me in fourth grade.  I thought I would share it with you.  While I cannot, alas, replicate the handwriting on the computer, I will faithfully follow both the capitalization, color and spelling in the original.

Page 1 of Letter

Page 1 of Letter

Dear Grandma and Grampa, 

How are you?  I’m fine and am feeling happy.  It’s the “Fourth of July here and the time is 18 min. before 9:A.M.

Cheryl is going in to 2nd Grade.  I drew a picture of a Cat and it is good.  Guess what?  We have a dog for a little while.  Stacy is go to kinderegarden.   I have a bulliten board.  How is Clyde?  Cheryl and Stacy are fine.  I am going into fourth grade and know a little division.

Page 2 of Letter

Page 2 of Letter

Is Debbie Joe there?  Tell her that I’m taking sketching lessons and bowling lessons.  I wish you could call us and say hi and a few other things but most of all I wish you could come over and see us.  Debbie might like to here about Chinese Operas so I will tell abuot them.  They are rather noisy and the singing tone mostly in a high voice.  Shopping at the Exchange is fine, though I have not done it much.  Stacy is bugging me for a peice of paper

Page 3 of Letter

and just now got on from Dad.  Our Amah is vacuming the rug.  At night I like to listen to the Crickets and sing myself to sleep.  It’s pretty noisy just now.  I’ll write a story for you.

Yours truly,

Nancy Merilynn Linn

The Magic Book

Once when Language had not been invented but was just invented there Lived a Lovly maiden named Napoli  Now, once she had been free to do what she wanted

Page 4 of Letter

but a witch locked her up.  There was only one way to get her out of the cell and that was to find the book the Wisard of Os.”  Now a handsome prince came galloping along one day and every night came forth and Said “Come forth, Come forth please thee, Sweet Napoli.”

“And she would answer”

How Can I,

When Can I,

The cell cannot be unlocked by Poetry.

Countined in next Letter.

A few explanatory notes:

1) We were living in Taiwan at the time, the early ’70’s.  It was hard and expensive to make overseas calls from the United States.  There was no such thing as the internet, home pc’s or e-mail.

2) Stacy and Cheryl are my sisters.  Debbie Jo is my cousin.

3) Clyde was a dog that used to be ours but whom Mom and Dad had given to Grandma and Grandpa when we moved somewhere with base housing that didn’t allow pets.  Grandpa and Clyde, in particular, were great buddies.

4) An “Amah” is a live-in housekeeper.

5) Alas, a follow up letter with a story continuation either a) did not survive, or b) was not written, so Napoli remains locked up to this day!

Have a great day!

Nancy