Category Archives: Just stuff…

Golf – for the rest of us!

Posted on July 13, 2011 | 4 comments

Good morning everyone! 

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller  hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. – Winston Churchill

It has been early spring since I played golf.  Of course, I use the term “play” quite loosely – a better description of my golf game involves the use of the terms “machete” and “hack” but you get the idea.  Mark is much better than I am, but due to a condition similar to Phil Mickelson’s psoriatic arthritis, some days he plays better than others.  Kayla’s golf game has yet to be defined; she currently has been told that she plays a specialized position known as “ball spotter and fetcher” which requires a person to run out and retrieve balls from a distance, but does allow a chance at a shot or two to the green from a short distance away, along with an occasional turn at driving the golf cart.   

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller

Even though we haven’t played golf, not even gone to the driving range, since about April, we do watch it quite frequently.  The pros make it look so easy!  The magnificent way they step up to a ball, take a swing and hit it continually amazes me, not to mention the fact that they can make that same ball travel an amazing distance in a straight line!  This year’s Master’s finish was one of the most exciting finishes to a pro tournament I can remember for a long time, and I think we all were excited to see Rory McIlroy, a young (to me) Irish kid who seems as nice as he possibly can be, win the U.S. Open.  The pros make me believe for one shining moment that I can hit the ball – until that deflating moment when I stand at the first tee of the first hole, carefully place my ball on the wooden peg, take my practice swing, then swing with everything I have – only to find that I completely missed the ball, yet again.

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. ~Harry Vardon

However, Mark, my husband, had a brilliant idea while we were at the beach, driving around and passing by golf courses on which I never will be good enough to play.  (Why do they insist on putting people’s houses on either side of the fairway?)  He calls it “Mark’s Golf Course for Regular Guys.”  Its motto is “Golf – for the Rest of Us!”  He has gone so far as to prepare the following prospectus:  

Mark’s Golf Course for Regular Guys:  The only water is in bottles and par is a theoretical ideal, not a hard and fast goal. In fact, score cards are generally frowned. The greens all slope toward the middle like a big drain and mulligans are in vogue. The quality of the golf may not be world-class, but there is plenty of barbecue and good friends. Prices are low, the scores are high and everyone has fun. For investment opportunities contact….

I intend to be one of the first customers! 

I know of a great tool that will take five strokes off  any game.  It’s called an eraser.  – Arnold Palmer

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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East and West: Star-Crossed Lovers

Posted on July 11, 2011 | Leave a comment

Hi Everyone!

Most of us are aware of the phrase “star-crossed lovers,” where, as in Romeo and Juliet, a pair that are passionately in love with each other are prevented from being with each other due to obstacles that appear to be immovable.

Romeo and Juliet: The Balcony

 While the characters in the story probably wish we would write their endings differently, we love these kind of stories, which persist in Western literature from the story of Pyramus and Thisbe to West Side Story and more.  However, in the East, there is a legend that puts a new twist into the phrase “star-crossed lovers.” 

Last week, on July 7, Japan celebrated a festival called “Tanabata.”  Tanabata  occurs when Altaire and Vega “meet” in the mid-summer sky, but  celebrates an unending love. 

The legend that Tanabata is based upon has three main characters:  Tentei, the Sky King, Orihime, his daughter and the weaver of his cloaks, and Hikoboshi, the cow herder for the heavens. 

Orihime and Hikoboshi Meet

Orihime, the daughter of the Sky King, wove his clothing by the banks of the Heavenly River (the Milky Way).  Because the Sky King loved her weaving so much, Orihime worked hard and industriously every day.  However, because she worked so hard at her weaving, she had no time to meet anyone and so fall in love, which made her quite forlorn.  

Tentei, The Sky King

 
Taking pity on her, the Sky King arranged for her to meet Hikoboshi, the cow herder for heaven, who often would bring his herds to the Heavenly River to water them. 
 
Hikoboshi and Orihime fell deeply in love and became inseparable.  However, lost in their love for each other, their other works fell by the wayside – no more clothes were woven for Tentei, and the cows of heaven were allowed to roam wherever they chose. 
 
Angry, Tentei separated the two, and forbade them to see each other ever again.  (One gathers from the story that Orihime was permitted to remain on Tentei’s side of the Heavenly River, while Hikoboshi was sent, as it were, to the other side of the tracks.) 
 

Orihime and Hikoboshi separated by the Milky Way

However, this did not solve the Sky King’s problems, as Orihime become grief-stricken over the loss of her husband.  Her tears so moved the Sky King that he relented and gave permission for the two of them to meet, once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month, if Orihime would work hard and finish her weaving first.    (You will notice that the Sky King was not nearly as concerned about the cows.) So, every year, when the stars Altair and Vega cross in the night sky, Orihime and Hikoboshi are meeting for their yearly night together.
 
For that one night at least, being a star-crossed lover is a good thing!
 

Orihime and Hikoboshi together

 Have a great rest of the day everyone!
 
Nancy

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Drunken Puppies

Posted on July 7, 2011 | 4 comments

Good morning Everyone!

 

 

Every once in a while, you run across a headline that makes you go “hmmmmmm…..”  Today I ran across the following gem:  “Pet Store Bans Drunken Puppy Buying.”  After I looked twice to be sure I read it correctly, the thought crossed my mind that the headline makes a lot of sense.  After all, how can a puppy make a good owner choice if it is drunk?  And if drinking and driving is bad (and it is), how can you condone drinking and selecting an owner? 

Coordination is an issue too.  Puppies have a hard enough time walking and navigating around a room to begin; imagine the effects if alcohol is added to the mix!  I knew a puppy (Shadow) who used to love to run through tunnels she had made under the bed between storage boxes at night at full speed – until the night she made a wrong turn and slammed head first into the bedroom wall.  (We didn’t see it, but we heard it.)  How much worse would it have been if she had been drunk!

Shadow and Woof - Never Drunk but Always Crazy!

We all know that alcohol impairs judgment and a puppy’s judgment is questionable at best to begin with; I suspect it would be nonexistent with alcohol added.  The first week we had him, Darwin decided to tear out all of our porch screens in three days. If he had had one or two daiquiris beforehand, not only screen replacement, but also a vet visit would have been in order, since his lack of balance would have precipitated him over the 15 foot drop between the porch and the ground.  (Vets are much more expensive than screens, for those of you keeping score.)

The Terminator! (Of Screens)

And let’s think a minute people – is it really a good idea to give a mind-altering substance to an animal that loses its mind when it experiences its first car ride with the windows down or its first potato chip?   For that matter, how exactly do you give a puppy a breathalyzer test and what is the legal limit for puppies?  The enforcement issues are mind-blowing!

So, kudos to the pet store for the courage to take a stand and here’s hope for the rehabilitation of all those drunken puppies! 

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Writer’s Block, Socks and Sunsets

Posted on July 6, 2011 | 1 comment

Good morning Everyone!

I don’t know how it happened, but I am having a bit of writer’s block today, so help me out and if there are any topics you are interested in hearing about some other time, could you please leave me a comment? 

Kayla in the car (Not sleeping, but you get the idea)

I had the chance to envy my daughter this morning.  While we were driving to work today, she decided to curl up and take herself a little snooze.  I started to wake her up and tell her that she could drive and I would nap, but the last time I tried that, she looked over at me, raised her eyebrows and said firmly, “Not happening Mom!”  Besides, she can’t reach the pedals yet, which would be problematic.  

Mandy and Darwin confer on their sock capers

Socks are appearing in random places throughout the house again, usually one member of a pair dropped in the center of the floor, and the other member chewed and tucked in a corner, so I will have to figure out where Bad Dog and No-no are collecting them from.  Bad Dog managed to snatch a quarter of a bagel off my plate yesterday morning too, when I had to leave the breakfast table to discover what the wails in my daughter’s bedroom were all about.  (The child had the audacity, with her clothes cupboard open and chock full of clothes, to tell me that she was crying because she didn’t have anything to wear.)  Bad Dog wasn’t too upset when I got on to her about the bagel, either. 

Tyra

Tyra managed to muster enough spryness last night to jump on the bed for the first time in a while, which was nice to see.  She also won the gold star for exemplary conduct when Mark’s mother came over to have supper with us.  Darwin and Mandy were over-exuberant in their greeting so got exiled to the patio for a little while, but Tyra waited until a good time and then walked over to be petted without any leaping, or barking or other shenanigans.

Finally, I thought I would share Kayla’s pastel sunset with you.  Kayla is taking art with the same teacher I have for the summer, and this is the third thing she has done, but her first pastel.  I was pretty blown away!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Posted in dogs, Just stuff..., On the Home Front, Pets, working mom

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Magnetic Attraction

Posted on July 5, 2011 | Leave a comment

Good morning!

I hope everyone had a nice Fourth of July.  We had a nice one, a quiet weekend, with a lot of laughter, but not the kind of things you can easily share, except for Kayla’s chiding comment to Mandy that Mandy needed to improve her “altitude.”  While all of us will admit that Mandy is vertically challenged, more altitude is not something she needs.  I saw her leap this weekend greeting someone and when she did, her face was level with this person’s face.  Kayla meant “attitude”, but I am afraid that when dealing with “No-no”, attitude is a lot cause. 

Today, however, I am sitting here eating breakfast, hoping against hope that the (new) shirt I am wearing is not magnetic.  Although magnetic shirts are not a part of most people’s life, I am extraordinarily gifted at picking out shirts that attract food stains.  Other people go blithely throughout life with shirts that never see a stain, but not me.   

Spaghetti sauce is especially attracted to everything that I wear, with the power of the attraction increasing geometrically to the whiteness of the shirt involved.  I have seen the sauce leap a four foot gap just to reach my shirt – without hitting anyone or anything else in the room! 

Most people (except perhaps my husband) encounter trouble with spaghetti sauce somewhere along the line, but my shirts attract much more than just spaghetti sauce.  Any kind of sauce or dressing is a lock to reach my shirt, and I have even gotten stains from food items that should tamely stay either on the plate or in my mouth where they belong, including simple things like apples and carrots. 

I was afraid I was going to find a new source of shirt attraction last year when I started art lessons.  Strangely, although you would think that my shirts’ magnetism would be even stronger when it comes to paints and pastels and charcoal, they are not.  Paints, pastels and charcoal are much more interested in reaching paper than they are in reaching my shirt, although there was the one incident when some oil paint overcame its attraction to the canvas to leap instead onto one of my shirts.  Of course, it took a pure white shirt to accomplish that. 

Is there a solution to this problem?  I am not sure, but I have at least learned one thing:  Shout is definitely my friend!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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In Honor of the Fourth: Kayla’s Turn

Posted on July 1, 2011 | 2 comments

Good morning/afternoon everyone!

One of the things I have thought a lot about lately, as the Fourth approaches and as the news continues to stress differences between us, is how much we Americans have in common that no-one every acknowledges.  Chief among those commonalities is the hope that our children will experience a future far better than the present that we experience.  We may disagree on the method that it will take for us to get there, but I don’t know anyone who wakes up one day and says, “You know, I really hope that the world will be a much more terrible place for my child than it is for me right now.” 

So, in honor of that sentiment, today is Kayla’s turn to supply material (that she herself chose, as opposed to that which I reported) for this post.

Monday morning, as I was trying to get ready for work, she got hold of the camera and followed the dogs around for about 45 minutes taking pictures.  I promised her that I would use her pictures in my blog, so today is the day.  I did take the liberty of making up the captions for the pictures, though.

She got some good basic pictures of the dogs, including one with Mark and Mandy sharing a moment together:

Tyra Waiting on the Sofa

Look closely at Mandy’s tail in this one:

Mandy in the bathroom

 And here Mandy and Mark are sharing a moment together before either realizes Kayla and the camera are in the room:

Mandy and Mark in the Morning

Darwin was waiting his turn in the kitchen:

Darwin waits in the kitchen

She also got some fantastic pictures of Mandy in her favorite lookout spot, the sofa in the study area of the great room.  We call it her lair.  

Mandy in her favorite lookout spot

Sometimes Darwin wanders by:

Mandy and Darwin confer

When Mandy is in her lair, it can be easier to get close-ups of her:

Mandy's close-up

Tyra, as head dog, is allowed to claim the leather sofa as hers whenever she wants it.

Tyra holds court on the couch

Kayla also managed to catch Mandy, as Bad Dog, and Darwin, as No-no, in action.  I think I would have preferred her to save the items they were working on, but at least you now have proof that the two dogs, even though they can look so sweet in their pictures, do have alter-egos!

Bad Dog’s Criminal Caper:

In the legal field, we might consider this to be a smoking gun:

The Smoking Gun....

Denials are useless at this point:

But ultimately she remains unrepentant as she plans her next criminal caper with the victims – Kayla’s flip-flops – in plain view.

Sleeping I dreamed, Love, I dreamed, Love, of thee.

No-no’s plan of attack centered around an assumption that he would remain unmolested in the bedroom if every one was out in the other room getting breakfast.   He didn’t count on the People Puppy of the house roaming around with a camera.

No-no caught in the act!

However, he appeared to be oblivious to the meaning behind the words “plausible deniability.”

Who me?

And at first refused to go quietly:

Still, all’s well that ends well, so No-no is ready to go again as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Have a great weekend and a great Fourth of July everyone!

Nancy

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Smarter Than a Smart Key? Apparently Not!

Posted on June 30, 2011 | 4 comments

Good morning everyone!

My car has a push button start with a smart key.  As long as the key is within a certain distance of the car, I can unlock the car and start it without having to physically put a key in the ignition. 

When we bought the car, I thought that feature was superfluous, until I realized that having a push button start with a smart key meant I would never have to search through my purse for my keys again.  The smart key/push button start will work as long as the purse is close enough to the car with the key in it.  (Not having to search through your purse is not a big deal for most people, but it is for me, since my purse is Fibber McGee’s Closet in miniature and has a talent for ensuring that whatever you are looking for at that particular moment is buried in the deepest darkest part of it.) 

I managed somehow to confuse my car enough on Tuesday, though, so that it refused to start for about five minutes at lunch time.  That night, just to be sure that it was a fluke and not a problem with the car, Mark and I decided to swap cars for a few days.

Yesterday I drove his Escape to Birmingham, where I had a meeting.  When I finished my meeting, I got back into the Escape to leave and was very frustrated when the Escape failed to start as well – until I realized that I was pushing the air conditioning button repeatedly instead of inserting the Escape’s key in its ignition and turning it on. 

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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The Rest of the Story….

Posted on June 28, 2011 | 6 comments

Hi Everyone!

Last week, when I picked Kayla up from art, her art teacher told me that she wished she could have written down half of the things Kayla said while she was teaching her because they were so funny.  I laughed and told her that now she knew why I had started a blog; the material I have available is just too good to waste. 

Two days later, as I was trying to coordinate day camp’s free swim time with my need to pick Kayla up early for the orthodontist, Kayla told me that at day camp, “The weather doesn’t stop them from doing anything.”  (There was a chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon.)  I thought that was kind of funny, so I shared it with the day camp counselors who laughed and then said, “She’s so funny all the time anyhow.”  I told Mark about both of those comments and wondered whether I have a budding comedienne, a chatterbox, a genius, or a combination of all three on my hands. 

Then came our little escapade with the hurricane glass and her elbow.  (Just when I thought I could retire the list….).  While the story itself was too good to add anything else to it, there was an aftermath.  After I got the glass off, Kayla kind of sniffled and cried through the rest of her bath.  I went in to check on her and she said, woefully and through her sniffs, “I should try out for the part of Moaning Myrtle.”  (FN)  I asked why, and she said, “Because all I do is moan, moan, moan.”  I did the only thing a rational parent could do in that situation, which is answer, “Oh!” and start to walk out of the room before I cracked a smile. 

As I was leaving, she looked up at me and said forcefully, “Yes!”  I turned around and said, “What?”  She said, “Yes, you can tell Daddy I said that.”  I told her that I was planning on it and then she said (still sniffling), “That works out then.”  At that moment any effort on my part to keep a straight face was completely lost.  I high-tailed it out of her bathroom into our bedroom laughing.  Mark asked me why, I told him about it, and then he looked at me, grinned and asked, “And you wonder why people tell you she’s funny?” 

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

FN.  For those who don’t follow the Harry Potter books or movies, Moaning Myrtle is a girl ghost who floats around sighing and moaning most of the time.

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Just when I thought I could retire the list….

Posted on June 27, 2011 | 10 comments

Good morning everyone!

A few months ago, I wrote a post called “Rules I Never Thought I’d Need” listing some rules that I never expected to have to use as a parent.  I was hoping that soon I could retire the list permanently, but after Friday, we now have a new one to add.

Do not ram your elbow into the top of a plastic hurricane glass. 

Now let me explain.

As you know, last week we went to Destin.  While we were there, we drove over to Captain Anderson’s, a wonderful restaurant I will write about another day, for dinner.  For dessert, Kayla chose a pudding concoction that Captain Anderson’s serves in the plastic glass pictured above.  She got to keep the glass. 

Fast forward to Friday evening.  When she and I were driving home, she mentioned that she had a small (I looked at it, and I would categorize it as vanishingly small) scratch on her right elbow.  I didn’t think any more of it, but shipped her off to take a bath as usual.  About 10 minutes later, she started screaming in terror in the bathroom.  I came tearing into the bathroom to see what was wrong, only to find that my daughter had stuck her entire elbow into the hurricane glass to the point that the glass was stuck.  I started to laugh,  (for some reason, that didn’t seem to calm her down!) but managed to get her into the kitchen where I used the spray nozzle to change the temperature of the glass where I could break the suction and pull it off.  She has a perfectly round bruise about three inches across on her elbow but otherwise is recovering nicely.

When we got to the point we were capable of coherent conversation (ie., she had stopped screaming and I had stopped laughing) I asked her how it happened that her elbow and the glass came together, and she told me that she had slipped it over her elbow tightly so that her elbow wouldn’t sting due to the vanishingly small scratch she had pointed out early while she took her bath.   She only got scared when she couldn’t pull it off again.

For the record, her father thought it was funny, too.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Poem Published for the Fourth of July

Posted on June 25, 2011 | 6 comments

Hi Everyone!

I have published a poem for the Fourth of July on the Yahoo Contributor Network.  Here is the link:  Rededication for the Fourth of July.  Please check it out, and if you like it, forward it to others.  Also, remember you can comment on it also if you want.  Thanks! 

Have a great day!

Nancy

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