Tag Archives: humor

On “The Beauty of Eating Outdoors”


Good morning Everyone!

I noticed today that one of the postings that made “Freshly Pressed” yesterday was entitled “The Beauty of Eating Outdoors.”   I didn’t read the post, but the phrase did make me think.

Paris, cafe, eiffel tower

At A Paris Cafe, from Print Shop Professional 2.0

I am sure that to many of you, the idea of eating outdoors brings  pleasurable, vague feelings involving sidewalk cafes, family picnics and sunshine with a slight breeze.

Beetle

Beetles and Spiders and Bees, Oh My!

Not me.  The thought of eating outdoors brings two words to mind – bugs and heat.  Picnics are especially prone to invasion by members of the insect family, and I am an equal opportunity insect hater – I care not whether the invader is a mosquito, an ant, a bee, a wasp or even one of the almost infinite number of species of beetles.  I don’t like them.  At all.  Especially around my food or anywhere were the insect might, heaven forbid, actually touch me.  My sisters and I were so bad about the uninvited guests that come to picnics that my parents ditched the idea of family picnics except in the most exigent circumstances from the time I was 8.

heat, desert

Too Hot!

The association of heat with eating outdoors is a later addition.  The association arises because I live in the Southeast United States.  During those summer days when people in the Northeast are enjoying balmy days somewhere in the low 80’s with pleasantly light winds, we are sweltering in the 90’s with 100% or higher humidity.  This weather starts in Alabama in May and won’t really depart for good until mid-October.  When the only way to survive the heat and humidity is to run from the air-conditioned house to the air-conditioned car to the air-conditioned store to the air-conditioned office and back again, FN.  the idea of eating outside is unthinkable.   (We had a car salesman once tell my mother and sisters and I that he wouldn’t consider buying even a bicycle down here without air conditioning.)

velocipede, aerial

A bicycle with air conditioning?

So, without regret or even a second thought, I will respectfully decline the chance to experience “The Beauty of Eating Outdoors.”

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

FN.  I firmly believe that the inventor of air conditioning deserves a national holiday every bit as much as our President’s do!  Those Presidents who came from the Southeast would agree with me.

Sweet Purple Nothings


Good morning Everyone!

Here are the latest updates from the wild and wonderful world of “conversations with a ten year old.”

Purple, from Print Shop Professional 2.0

PURPLE

Riding to the movie Saturday:

Kayla:  Sneezes, then announces, “Mom, my snot is purple.”

Mom, ignoring the fact that she could have gone all day without that particular information:  You’re okay.

Kayla:  Actually, my hands are purple.

Dad: Why are your hands purple?

Kayla:  Actually its my fingers.

Dad:  Why are your fingers purple?

Kayla:  I don’t know…

Mom starts laughing, effectively ending the conversation.

Children's mischief, nothing, print shop professional 2.0

An example of the kind of “nothing” that goes on at our house…

NOTHING

Another conversational trick that Kayla has adopted lately is the convenient use of the word “nothing.”  She however is using it in a slightly different context than the designer of the word intended it to be used.  Most conversations go like this:

Mom, hearing strange and ominous sounds coming from Kayla’s bedroom:  Kayla, what are you doing?

Kayla:  Nothing.

Mom:  What kind of nothing?

Kayla, more angrily:  NOTHING!

Mom sighs, then gets up to investigate, certain to find that “nothing” actually means something, and usually something that she’d rather Kayla not be doing at the moment.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Just Sayin’


Good morning everyone!

Here are some observations:

1) You can know the location of every light switch in the house and what light or socket it goes to and you will still manage to turn on the garbage disposal instead of the kitchen light at least twice a week.

2) It takes a child about 10 minutes to get up, dressed and ready to go somewhere.  Multiply that number by at least 6 if you plan to get anywhere on time.

3) All dogs love to sleep.  The signal for them to get up is when you lie down.

4) Adults will irritably tell a child that has been asked to do a chore and who is stalling that the chore is just not that hard and to get on with it.  If that is true, then why aren’t the adults doing it themselves?

5) There’s nothing like moving to a new place.  Thank goodness!

6) The amount of stuff you collect is directly proportional by a factor of twelve to the number of years you live in a house. (Think about it – it will make sense in a minute.)

7) The crinkling of a chip bag is a miracle cure for all dog ailments.  It works well for minor illnesses in children, also.

8) Exactly why does it take five tries for the parental command to proceed past the child’s ears to his or brain and nervous system?

9) You never understand the concept of making a joyful noise until you turn a 10 year old loose on a keyboard when she doesn’t think anyone is paying attention.

10) I have five different sync cables around me, and a universal 3 in 1 cable I bought yesterday.  Not one of them fits the camera I need to download pictures from.

11) While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, God does great work!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy

A Rose By Any Other Name?


Good morning everyone!

They (ie., William Shakespeare) once said that “a rose by another name would smell as sweet.”  Due to an unfortunate encounter with perfume that was loved by another not wisely, but too well, I have been thinking about that quote, and I just don’t believe it.  If I offer you a rose, I am offering you not only the physical object in my hand, but the centuries of allure, legend and mystique that travel with the word “rose.”  If all I was offering you was a “rosa berberifolia,” I don’t think you would be nearly as impressed!  Even if you were, the name “rose” sounds better than “rosa berberifolia“.)

To further prove my point, I offer you edited versions of the following famous (ie., taught in most English classes nationwide) poems:

Daffodils

From William Wordsworth’s “Daffodils”:

I wandered lonely as a cumulus
That floats on high o’er depressions with predominant extent in one direction and natural land elevations, usually less than 1000 feet above its surroundings, with a rounded outline.
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden Narcissus pseudonarcissi;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the air in slight motion relative to the earth.

Tiger

From Robert Blake’s “The Tiger”:

Panthera Tigris! Panthera Tigris! Combusting bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

lark, flight

From Tennyson’s “Come Spring” ( Excerpt from the second stanza):

Up leaps the passerine, gone wild to welcome the season beginning with the March equinox and ending with the summer solstice,
About her glance the Paridaes, and shriek the Cyanocitta cristatas,
Before her skims the jubilant Melanerpes erythrocephalus ,
The  Carduelis cannabina’s bosom blushes at her gaze,
While round her brows a woodland Columba palumbus flits,
Watching her large light eyes and gracious looks,
And in her open palm a halcyon sits
Patient–the secret splendour of the brooks. …

Question Mark

They just don’t have the same ring to them, do they?

Have a great day everyone, a good holiday weekend!

Nancy

Attaching the Unattached


Good morning Everyone!

When I load pictures into my blog, I usually just load them straight from the “New Post” page on WordPress, but yesterday morning I decided to check the tab on My Dashboard marked as “Media” (for the uninitiated, I assume that is short for “Media Library”), when I came across a forlorn group of miscellaneous pictures grouped together under the label “unattached.”

Unwilling to allow them to languish forever in this lonely place, I have chosen a few of them to share with you today, accomplishing two purposes – something to write about today, and the creation of a “happily ever after” relationship for the pictures-formerly-known-as-unattached by providing them with an attachment here.

My first picture came from a couple of days before Halloween, when I took pictures of Kayla in the Rapunzel dress my mother made for her this year.   Here, she is working on (pretend) needlework.

Rapunzel, Halloween

My next choice was this picture from Christmas 2007, when Mandy (aka Bad Dog) was investigating what Kayla was up to Christmas morning.

This picture caught Kayla waiting for the Southern Star (one of the dolphin cruise boats in Destin, an experience I highly recommend).

Boat, Southern Star, dolphin

This sunset over the Gulf of Mexico was too spectacular to leave languishing in the realm of the unattached:

Sunset, Gulf of Mexico, Destin

Sunset over the Gulf of Mexico

So was this picture of the bridge across the Destin Pass.

Bridge over the Destin Pass

I loved this picture of Mandy (Bad Dog) looking up from her fortress spot from which to view the world at our old house.

Dog, Couch, Window, husky-basset hound mix

I also liked this picture of Darwin (aka No-No) coming into the kitchen begging for food.  He’s good with the sad face look, isn’t he?

Dog, Labrador Retriever

So there you have them – seven pictures who have happily been relegated from the forlorn category of “Unattached”  to the “Attached”!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Through the Donut Hole


Good morning Everyone!

Sinclairs, Lake Martin, Kowaliga

Sinclairs at Lake Martin, from the Sinclair’s website

My mother was visiting us last weekend and while Mom was here we decided to drive over to a restaurant that is on the banks of Lake Martin, Sinclairs on the Lake.  We sat down to a beautiful waterfront view, and an excellent meal, but before the meal arrived, Mark and Kayla completed their ritual walk along the boat pier that lets boats dock right by the restaurant.  While they were doing so, a little black and white cocker spaniel streaked by them, bound and determined to get into the restaurant, having just seen her master go through the door.

Cocker Spaniel

A black and white cocker spaniel similar to the one we saw.

Mark helped to catch her, and inside the restaurant, Mom and I watched the cocker spaniel being brought back to the boat to await her owner, struggling against the leash all the way.

Shadow, Dog

Shadow

It reminded me of an experience we had with our first dog, Shadow.  Even though she was half cocker, half lab, Shadow detested the water.  However, paradoxically, she loved to ride in the boat.  Her favorite speed was wake speed; she would sit in the front of the boat then and enjoy watching the world go by.  Whenever we went faster, my appearance was required in the front of the boat to hold her as we sped through the water.  When she decided that Mark was going too fast, or the ride was too bumpy, she would jump out of my arms and walk back to where Mark was driving, and stare at him.

Bayliner bowrider boat

A new model Bayliner similar to what we owned back in the day from www.bayliner.com

She was the smartest dog we ever owned, hands down, although Tyra comes close.  Once, she was too smart for her own good.

We had taken Mark’s sister, brother-in-law and our nephews, out in the boat, found a likely spot on the lake and anchored the boat where we could play and swim in the water.  One of the toys we were using was a huge inner tube.

Inner Tube

Inner Tube Similar to the One We Owned

We left Shadow in the boat because we knew how much she hated the water.  She sat on the front of the boat, watching us, and we went ahead with our water sport.  Before we  could turn back around, a black streak came flying off of the boat, ringing the inner tube in the center and slipping right through it.

It was at that moment that I learned that dogs could cuss.

Apparently, Shadow had eyed the inner tube carefully, and not realizing the hole in the center was floorless, had decided that she could jump onto the inner tube to be nearer to us as we were playing without getting wet.

She came up from under the inner tube swimming (it’s not that she couldn’t swim; she just hated the water) and mad as a hornet, blaming us for her misadventure.  She did deign, however, to let Mark help her back into the boat as she scrabbled up its fiberglass sides, desperate to get out of the hated water.

All was forgiven, of course, once we all got back in the boat and headed back to the dock.

Dog in Boat

Shadow riding at wake speed.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Exit Guilt; Enter Chocolate!


Good morning Everyone!

Cocoa pods ripening on the Cacoa tree

Cocoa pods ripening on the Cacao tree

I have the most wonderful, glorious news to share this morning – chocolate is, in fact, a vegetable!

Applause

From Print Shop Professional 2.0

How did I make this discovery?  A combination of  illogic, basic horticultural facts and culinary methods.  The basic ingredient in chocolate is the cocoa bean!  Any food based on a vegetable such as a bean must fall into the vegetable department.  (Technically, the cocoa bean originates in a fruit, since it grows in a pod along with many siblings, but then, tomato is a fruit, and it is considered a vegetable when we eat it.  I don’t think we should discriminate against the cocoa bean by elevating the tomato over it, do you?)

Linnaeus

Linnaeus, who invented the means of classifying various organisms. This picture was painted just after he discovered that chocolate was a vegetable.

It takes approximately 300 to 600 cocoa beans to make 2.2 pounds of chocolate, so logic would dictate that each mouthful of the wonderful stuff is chock full of the same delicious vitamins that one receives from other beans and assorted vegetables as well.

Cocoa Beans in the Cacoa pod

Cocoa Beans in the Cacao pod

Exit guilt; enter chocolate….

My next question – since it contains chocolate, eggs, flour and often milk, does this make chocolate cake a super food?  Just wondering!

Chocolate Cake

Chocolate Cake

Have a great weekend!

Nancy

You Might Be A Working Parent If…


Good morning Everyone!

You might be a working parent if:

You ever took the day off from work just to clean your house.

You end up working third shift to complete a work project because you promised your child you would go on the zoo field trip with her.

The people at the drive-thru at McDonald’s have your order ready for you when you get there.

You consider Kraft Macaroni and Cheese to be one of the essential food groups.

Your blood pressure automatically skyrockets when you hear the words, “Mom, I forgot to tell you…..”

Menu planning for the week includes deciding which day you will be serving spaghetti, which day you will be serving fish sticks, which night is TV Dinner night and the other two week nights are reserved for take out.

You have ever wondered irritably why on earth schools can’t have their award ceremonies at 6 in the evening instead of 9 in the morning.

You look longingly at parents who do not work outside the home and think how nice their life must be.  (Trust me, it’s just as hard for them as it is for us.)

You have ever chosen a doctor, dentist, vet or carpet cleaner based solely on the fact that he or she has evening hours.

The HazMat team is on speed dial for those rare days when you finally are able to clean out the refrigerator.

They also are on stand by when you clean out your car.

They have your pantry on their watch list, also.

And, finally,

You might be a working parent if you know with certainty that insanity is hereditary – you can get it from your kids!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Of Green Beans and Chocolate


Good morning Everyone!

Double Stuf Oreo Package

As Mark was leaving this morning, he remarked that perhaps it would be a good idea to move the Double Stuf Oreo bag off of the coffee table in the den since “Even a blind dog can find an Oreo now and then.”  (He was speaking both figuratively and literally; as well-behaved and blind as she is, I suspect that Tyra, when provided with a bag of Oreos just barely within her reach and a full 12 hour day within which to work on it, would figure out a way to reach the tantalizing treats.)

In the process of returning the Oreos back to their safe haven in the pantry, I also noticed the various canned food items arrayed on the shelves in the pantry, including the canned, French Style green beans.

Yucky!  From Print Shop Professional 2.0

Before I go any further, I have a confession to make – I truly hate most kinds of cooked vegetables.  Their unpleasant taste wrinkles my face in disgust just thinking about them.  It is the rare cooked vegetable that I come across that does not taste bitter to me.  (Salad stuff including various kinds of lettuce and tomato and carrots, etc. I do like.)  On the other hand, it is the rare chocolate flavored anything that I don’t like, and then it is usually because someone decided to taint the pure chocolate taste with coconut.  I have to force myself to eat the one, and restrain myself when it comes to the other.

computer files

But, if you’ll stop and think a minute, somewhere in my brain and nerve responses, I have filed away what chocolate tastes like and what green beans taste like.  Somehow, some way, it should be possible to switch the two files, just like you could in a computer, and place the “chocolate” taste under vegetables and the “vegetable” taste under chocolate.  Imagine a world where I could “indulge” myself on cooked carrots, cabbage and green beans, and consistently turn my nose up at Hershey’s, Reese’s and Oreos!

Riches

Just imagine the riches I could rake in by selling my secret to the rest of those in America who would also like to lose weight – why, I might even be able to challenge Bill Gates or Warren Buffet on the list of the top wealthiest individuals!   I might even get to star in an infomercial or two of my own, and what a hoot that would be.

Battling On

Bravely Battling On

Until that day, I will bravely battle on, counting out green beans singly as I place them on my plate in an attempt to make sure I eat the very minimum necessary to come close to the recommended daily requirements (I don’t have to be right up there; what else are multi-vitamins for?)

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Reunion!


Good morning Everyone!

Question Mark

I really can’t help it;  last night while we were getting ready for bed and now, at an ungodly hour of the morning when even the birds are only just stretching themselves awake, I know they’re here.  I’m sure they don’t mean to intrude upon my consciousness,innocently sitting over there at the dining room table, but I keep thinking about them.  The whole family welcomed them; even the dogs know that they’re here.  After all, it’s been a while.

I’ve known them and loved them ever since I was a child, but now that I am older, I don’t get to visit with them nearly as often as I’d like, making our reunion  even more special.

There’s really nothing like them.  Content in their insular world, they have remained essentially unchanged and constant my entire life.  Sweet, consistent, a little square around the edges, sugar-coated but still cool, sanity in an insane world, I just can’t help thinking about them.  We were able to visit a little bit last night, but the rest of our visit will have to wait until later.

After all, I think I’d get sick if I ate 32 strawberry frosted Pop-Tarts at one sitting…

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy