Tag Archives: humor

Mark and Nancy’s Great Camping Adventure

Posted on May 21, 2014 | 2 comments

Good morning Everyone!

A conversation with Kristina over at Family.Work.Life about whether camping in a trailer or motor home as opposed to a tent is  “real” camping reminded me of a story from early on my married life.

When we moved back to Alabama from North Carolina in 1991, we ended up living in Alexander City, a town at the north end of Lake Martin, which is a huge man-made lake that powers three dams for the Alabama Power Company.  We decided to fulfill a dream of Mark’s, and bought a brand-new boat 1989 Bayliner.   Because it had been in the local boat shop’s inventory for almost three years, we managed to get quite a good deal on it.

One of the best places to enjoy Lake Martin is at Wind Creek, a state park with hundreds of camp sites, very nice boat launch facilities and just about anything else you could ever want from a state park on a lake.

Our family at that time consisted of three:  Mark, me and our first dog, Shadow.  Shadow loved riding in the boat. Mark and I decided one weekend in March that we would go camping at Wind Creek in the new four person tent we had bought, and bring the boat along with us.

It sounded like a great idea, but it wasn’t.  Wind Creek’s name, at least in March, is not meant to be aesthetically pleasing but rather descriptive, and with the prime camping spot we rented at the tip of the point, we had no shelter at all from the apparently gale force winds.

After a great deal of difficulty, we managed to get the tent put up and myself and Shadow deposited inside it to keep it from blowing away (yes, Shadow would have been enough but there was no way that dog was going to stay inside the tent by herself in that kind of wind.).  Mark then started to light the barbecue grill outside the tent while I talked to him through the door, but the wind was so strong we couldn’t keep a flame lit.  He finally gave up and took off into town to bring us back a pizza.

While he was gone, I shivered in the tent and listened to the wind roar through the pine trees and pull at our tent.  Once I had to slip outside to rescue various substantial camping paraphernalia that the wind had decided to play catch with, but fortunately the tent didn’t fly away too.  The entire time, Shadow was by my side, looking at me with sad eyes that plainly said,” We have a perfectly good house only miles from here; why on earth are we sitting out here in the wilderness fighting the wind?”  The best answer I could give her was that we were waiting for pizza.

Once Mark got back with the pizza, we ate it, sharing the obligatory portion with Shadow, who was somewhat mollified by our peace offering until the wind managed to rip out one of the tent stakes even with three of us in the tent.   It tickled me so much that I started laughing non-stop.  I was pretty useless from that point forward in any attempt to set the tent back to rights.

We finally conceded defeat about ten p.m., loaded everything back up into our pick-up truck and boat, and headed back into town, with a very relieved dog sitting in my lap.

I don’t remember us ever trying to camp again until we bought our first trailer.  I don’t even remember myself wanting to try camping again until I had a trailer, although I’m sure I mentioned it at least once or twice.

And that, my friends, is “Mark and Nancy’s Great Camping Adventure!”

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Mysterious Malady of the 12-Year-Old Mind

Posted on May 20, 2014 | Leave a comment

Good morning Everyone!

Do any of you know exactly what happens to children around age 12 that leads them to suffer excessive brain damage?  Just to give you an example of the malady, let me tell you about Kayla’s locker.

As the end of school approaches, Kayla needs to clean out her locker.  So this morning, I asked, “What about your locker?”

She answered, absently, “I’ll start cleaning it out today.”

Since I had reason to think she wasn’t as focused on the locker issue as I was, I asked ,” What about the key?”

Let’s book mark that question and back track several months, to the time when Kayla, frustrated with her combination lock, wanted a locker lock with a key.  Being gifted with the normal amount of second sight accorded to mothers, I asked her what would happen if she lost the key.  She assured me that she would wear it on a chain around her neck and not lose it.  Still, to be certain, I bought a lock with two keys – one of which I kept and placed strictly off-limits.

All right, let’s flip back to the present day.  When asked about the key, Kayla answered, “Oh, yeah, I’m going to need the key.”  She couldn’t tell me what had happened to her key, nor even when it had disappeared.

Restraining myself from saying the obvious, “I told you so,” (mental comments don’t count!), I told her to go get the key from the M & M jar where we keep spare keys.  She couldn’t find it, and the bus was almost there, so I told her to double-check the type of lock we were dealing with at school today so I could help look for the key tonight.

M & M cotntainer

Our M & M Jar

With a kiss goodbye, I sent her off on the bus, then wandered into the kitchen to pour my morning diet coke – only to discover that, for reasons unknown probably even to herself, Kayla had NOT looked in the M&M jar for the key, but in my purse.

So what special combination of circumstances leads to brain damage that 1) loses things you were specifically told not to lose and 2) translates the words “M&M jar” to “Mom’s purse”?  More importantly, how do you fix it?  Does it ever get better?  Fellow parents out there, give me hope!

Have a great day!

Nancy

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The Count Down

Posted on May 19, 2014 | 1 comment

Good morning Everyone!

This week, in my town, teachers, students, parents and  bus drivers are all participating in a count down. The key number today is four.

Jig, Irish, dancing

The teachers are dancing jigs. http://www.clickartonline.com

The students are gleeful about it but oblivious to the idea that the rest of us may be excited too.  When the doors are closed and no students around, the teachers are dancing jigs over it.  Parents can feel a level of stress lifting off of their shoulders as the date approaches, while the bus drivers can’t help but look forward to the chance to sleep in just a little.

Parent, top of the world

Happy Parent
www,clickartonline.com

I am referring, of course, to the last day of school.  While many schools up north and in other parts of the country will continue through most of June, down here in Alabama, most school systems stop the year around Memorial Day.  Our system is no exception.  The last day of school is Thursday, and I think everybody is more than ready for it.  I know Kayla is looking forward to it, and I am excited about the reprieve I’ll receive from being the homework and grade policeman.

What I didn’t realize until I was a teacher for about three years, many years ago, was how much the teachers look forward to the summer break, too.  All during the last week, the expectations build until the day the students are released.  The work days afterward to tidy everything up until next year are anti-climactic; the true start of summer for teachers is the last day the students are there.  I always said that the best part of teaching was the students, and the worst part of teaching was the students.  I can only imagine how much truer that saying is now, over twenty years later!

So here’s to a smooth last week of school, and a happy, restful summer!  We’ll leave the wishes for next year on hold until the school year starts again in August.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Surrendering Time

Posted on May 14, 2014 | Leave a comment

Good morning Everyone!

Medieval Clock Tower

Medieval Clock Tower
Photo From Wikimedia Commons
By Frank Kovalcheck

It’s morning and I’ve successfully sent Kayla off to school and am sitting down for my usual spot of blogging before I head off to work, something I enjoy, but I’m keeping a close eye on the clock as I do so.

Once upon a time, a day was not divided up into hours, but simply day time and night time.  People understood that when the sun was up, you would do whatever hunting and gathering needed to be done, and when the sun was down you slept.   Then we invented agriculture and the seasons came into play – you had to at least divide time up enough so that you knew when to plant, water, harvest and store.

That schedule was simply enough – you still got up when you needed to get up and went to sleep when it was dark – but somewhere along the line, someone (and I really don’t know who was present at that vote, because it wasn’t me) decided that we needed to divide the day up further.  I can just imagine that conversation!

Timekeeper:  Hey, dude, I just thought of something.

Friend:  What’s that?

TK:  Well, you know how we get up when it’s light and we do some things and then we go to bed when it’s dark?

Friend:  Yeah, what about it?

TK:  Why don’t we invent something called a schedule?

Friend:  What’s that?

TK:  It’s a way of being sure that you are doing what you need to do when it needs to be done.

Friend:  That makes no sense, dude.  We’re already doing that!  We plant when we need to plant and harvest when we need to harvest – oh, and we milk the darn cows every blessed day at day break because they make such a fuss otherwise.

TK:  Yes, but wouldn’t you feel better if you knew, when you walked in to milk the cows, that you were getting up at something called 4 a.m. rather than just day break?

Friend:  Not really.  What’s 4 a.m.?

TK:  The crack of dawn.

Friend:  It sounds the same to me.

TK:  You’re missing the point.   If you know that you have to milk the cows at 4 a.m. and will be finished by 6 a.m., you then can plan what you are going to do with the rest of your day.

Friend:  I do that already.

TK:  Yes, but you will know exactly how much time you have left to do everything so that you can worry about not getting it all done on time.

Friend:  Still not feeling it, TK.  Sorry.

TK:  You don’t understand.  Suppose the opposite happens and you get done way early, say by noon.

Friend:  What’s noon?

TK:   Lunch time.

Friend:  Ok.  What then?

TK:  Then you can figure out how much of the day you have left and load yourself up with lots of more stuff to do.  That’s called “productivity.”

Friend:  Why wouldn’t I just want to go fishing or read a papyrus scroll somewhere?

TK:  I didn’t know you could read!

Friend:  That’s irrelevant.  Answer my question.

TK:  Well, by loading yourself up with lots more stuff to do, you’ll get more done.

Friend:  It sounds to me like I’ll get a lot more not done, too.

TK:  That’s the beauty of it!  Not only do you get more done, you get to worry a lot more about what hasn’t been done and boast that you got more done than someone else.

Friend:  I think your idea needs some work, man.   I’m off to the lake.

TK:  How about if I add in a big timekeeper tower in the center of the town square with a lot of cute marching figures whenever the gong chimes out the hour?

Friend:  Now you’re talking…..

Prague Clock Apostles

Apostles on the Prague Astronomical Clock
from Wikipedia

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Stopped up Sinks and French Italian

Posted on May 13, 2014 | Leave a comment

Good morning Everyone!

dysfunctional kitchen

The Dysfunctional Kitchen
from http://www.clickartonline.com

A few months ago, we had quite a time with stopped up drains.  First, the kitchen drain stopped up.  It finally took a plumber coming out and doing something to the pipes in the back of the house to get the kitchen drain at the front of the house fixed.  Then right afterwards the drain for the air conditioner in the garage clogged up.  (We think maybe it was the result of fixing the kitchen sink – something got loose and moved forward to the AC drain.)  We went through that sequence about twice, but for the last few months everything has been fine.

Until yesterday.  I was trying to scrub out a pan where someone (not me for a change!) had accidentally burnt meat and onion badly onto the bottom of a pan.  Suddenly I  realized that the water I was running over the pan in the sink just kept rising and rising rather than draining.  I was NOT a happy camper – until after five minutes of flailing around with different things, I realized that the (black) drain stopper was over the (black) drain.  Instant fix!

Italy Map

On a different note, yesterday evening I was telling Kayla and Mark about someone I know that is about to leave on a trip overseas to Italy. After I told Kayla she wasn’t allowed to invite herself to go along with them,  Kayla was still very impressed at the idea of traveling overseas to Italy.  I was curious, so I asked her what was the thing she would most want to see if she went to Italy.

Her answer?

France.

And at that moment, a review of geography over the summer became a priority!

Have a great day!

Nancy

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The Dysfunctional Kitchen – Kayla Learns a Lesson

Posted on May 12, 2014 | 1 comment

Good morning Everyone!

dysfunctional kitchen

The Dysfunctional Kitchen
from http://www.clickartonline.com

Kayla learned an important lesson yesterday.

Do not put regular Palmolive in the dishwasher even when you are out of dishwashing detergent.

I think Mark and she finally got all of the suds out of the kitchen after about two hours, but I have been running additional rinses this morning just to be sure.

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Actually At Risk

Posted on May 5, 2014 | 5 comments

Good morning Everyone!

Somewhere over the course of the last ten years or so, two phrases have steadily infiltrated American English to the point that they are becoming seriously irritating to me. especially when I hear them used by people on TV.  Those two phrases?  “Actually” and “at risk.”

“At risk” is a phrase promoted by the 24 hour news media crowd – after all, “Your child is at risk for measles” sounds exponentially more urgent than “one out of 1000 children catch measles each year.”  (None of the children in the United States should catch measles; they should be vaccinated against them instead.)  If I am told I am at risk for heart disease, flu or just catching a cold, I am instantly more concerned than if I am told that there is merely a chance that I could develop or catch the same thing.   What the people using that phrase don’t mention is that I am also at risk for winning the lottery, flying to the moon and winning the Nobel Peace Prize – but I’m not holding my breath for any of those things to happen soon, either!

“Actually” has become an overused meaningless filler word.  Most of the time, I hear “actually” in sentences such as “I actually went to the store and bought groceries.”  Well, yes, I assumed you did “actually” go to the store; I didn’t think you sent your evil twin instead.  I suppose there is the argument that “actually” is meant to indicate personal presence as opposed to “virtual” which would indicate that a person viewed or did something by computer, but most of the people who use the word interminably are not trying to be that precise.  I think people use “actually” now much in the way we used to say “ummm…” when we didn’t know what to say.  I think it’s time we stopped “actually” doing things, and simply started  doing them, but then that’s just me.

I, of course, catch myself using both phrases far too often

Because I am actually at risk for having to go to work today, I better close for now.

If you have any pet vocabulary or grammar peeves, I’d love to hear about them!

Here’s hoping that all of you are actually at risk for having a great day today!

Nancy

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Snit Fits, Melt Downs & Cross-Examination

Posted on April 30, 2014 | Leave a comment

Good morning Everyone!

Our school system decided that the students would make up one of the many days missed because of weather electronically.  Each teacher put a special assignment up on the EdModo website.  Students have to turn them in today, April 30.

As you can guess, Kayla still had assignments to finish up last night.  When I got home from work, she was wandering around in the kitchen, where she airily informed me that she was going to do some cooking before she did her assignments.  I nixed that idea and told her she couldn’t do anything until after she finished her Edmodo assignments.  Snit fit #1.

30 minutes post snit fit #1, she informed me that she was done.  I checked the (single) assignment for completeness.   Cross-examination #1 established that there were other class assignments out there, leading directly to snit fit#2 which resulted in her being sent to her room to complete her math EdModo quiz.  After she reached her room, but before she could start her quiz, we achieved obligatory math melt down #1.

30 minutes letter, after math melt down #2 in the middle of the quiz, Kayla submitted the quiz answers on-line, and then started wandering around the house again aimlessly.  This behavior led to the simultaneous appearances of cross-examination #2, snit fit #3 and paternal parental lecture #1, the upshot of which was a telephone call by Kayla to a friend to obtain the vocabulary words she was supposed to define and use in a sentence.

Once completion of the vocabulary words was verified, Kayla again announced that she was done.  Cross-examination #3 and #4 (please insert paternal parental lecture #2 here) discovered that there was one assignment left to complete – a timed quiz that Kayla had accidentally opened days ago and now could not complete because the 60 second quiz had timed out somewhere around 190 hours, which led to snit fit# 4, melt down #2, paternal parental lecture #3 and bed time.  Maternal melt-down #1 was allowed to commence thereafter.

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Consideration

Posted on April 28, 2014 | 2 comments

Good morning Everyone!

It’s good to be back!  For any of those kind enough to notice that I haven’t posted for about five days, we are back from a family trip to Charlotte, North Carolina.  Since I worked the whole time (ain’t modern communications grand?) I can’t really call it a family vacation, but we still had fun and Kayla and Mark got some well deserved “Daddy-daughter” time.  I even learned something about myself – I may be overly concerned with being considerate to others.

Raking

Raking Words
Photo Credit: http://www.clickartonline.com

I have a program on my work computer called WordRake.  It highlights words and phrases it thinks can be deleted from whatever draft I turn it loose on.  It is a great tool for my work in legal writing and entertaining, too.

I am particularly amused when the parts of my work briefs that WordRake lights up like New York on a dark winter’s night are quotes from appellate cases.  (Hey, we all get our kicks somewhere!)  I also enjoy arguing with it about its editing selections.

Using a GPS

Using a GPS
Photo Credit: http://www.clickartonline.com

Our relationship reminds of the first trip I ever used a GPS – it was in a rental car on a trip to Boston.  My mom (who grew up there) was visiting as well.  She loved to ride with me and to program the GPS so she could tell me that it was wrong and direct me to go a different way, thereby giving the GPS a heart attack.  At one trip, it got so frustrated it stopped giving directions and simply churned through “recalculating” for about five minutes!

Last night, I was using WordRake on a work draft, and I caught myself agreeing to some edits that I wouldn’t have done on my own because I didn’t want to hurt its feelings by ignoring it too much.

That’s probably taking consideration a little too seriously, don’t you think?

Have a great day!

Nancy

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So You Want to Make a Call….

Posted on April 22, 2014 | 2 comments

Good morning Everyone!

 

I had to make a telephone call yesterday.  For years in our town, every phone number began with one of two prefixes – 234 or 329.  There was a time (this was true in my grandparents’ town, too) when you only had to dial five numbers to make an in-town call.  In a kind of shorthand, you either started the number with 4 or 9 and the phone brain that resides somewhere most of us never see automatically supplied the first two digits.  Long distance calls required 1, the area code and then the phone number.  Those days are long gone.

Telephone

My Grandmother’s Favorite Telephone

Today, a phone call goes more like this.

I dial:  1-205-555-5555  (FN)

Phone brain:  Screeching electronic tones, then:  (Pleasant Female Voice):  “The number you have reached is disconnected or no longer in service.  If you think you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try again.”

Even though I know that this number is active and in service,  I dutifully hang up and check the number.  Some part of me knows that the Phone Brain is watching from afar, and there will be consequences if I don’t follow instructions.  Seeing that I dialed it correctly, I decide to try just the last seven numbers.

Phone Brain: (Sterner Mail Voice, but ditching the screeching electronic tones):  “We’re sorry  but you must first dial a 1 or 0 before calling this number.  Please hang up and try again.”

Me: Hmmmmm.

Pursuant to instructions, I then dial 1-324-4008.

Phone Brain: (Same Stern Male Voice):  “We’re sorry  but you must first dial a 1 or 0 before calling this number.  Please hang up and try again.”

Me: !

Successive tries with 1 still fail and I begin to call Phone Brain names that I hope my child never hears and repeats.  I finally drop the 1 and use the area code and the seven digit phone number:  205-324-4008. (Please note that this is the one instruction Phone Brain did NOT give me!)

The call finally goes through.  I think I can hear Phone Brain laughing in the background.

Telephone Switchboard

Phone Brain

I would like to add that only a Phone Brain with a wicked and twisted sense of humor would add “392” as an additional prefix in a town where “329” reigned for three decades.

Have a great day!

Nancy

FN:  The phone number has been changed to protect the innocent as well as myself, since most receptionists would deem it justifiable homicide if someone gave out a number that required them to field meaningless phone calls from people trying to see if a number works.

 

 

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