Tag Archives: humor

Confessions of a Recovering Misovalentinist

Posted on February 14, 2012 | 6 comments

Good morning Everyone!

It may have escaped the notice of some of you, although I scarcely know how given Madison Avenue’s best attempt to thoroughly cover the airways with advertisements about the darn thing, but today is Valentine’s Day.  So, to get the obligatory greeting over with, Happy Valentine’s Day!

I do sincerely hope that each of you has a good day today, but I have a confession to make – I used to really hate Valentine’s Day. FN.

For me, it started once I went from elementary school to junior high and up, which was when we stopped filling out little Valentines that we brought to school for our entire class.  This fun and kind tradition was replaced with fundraisers by various clubs in school where you could purchase a carnation to be sent to a special someone, and the club would deliver the carnation to whoever it was during the school day.  (Carnations must have been very inexpensive, as I went to junior high and high school in three different states across two coasts – California, Virginia (the D.C. area) and Alabama – and carnations were used every time.)   If you weren’t going to get a carnation – and in grades 7 through 12 I got a total of two – one from my Mom [Thanks Mom!] and one from my best friend in grade 11 [thank you Debbie Gronich; I only wish you hadn’t had to move before the next year!] – it was a form of water torture to creep through an entire day watching some people get dozens of carnations and knowing I wasn’t going to get one but sort of hoping I would get one still.  I have to admit that left deep bruises on my soul I didn’t think would ever heal.  (However, at those ages, lots of things seem to leave deep bruises we have a hard time recovering from.) Until…

1) I was old enough to appreciate the fact that my grandparents and aunt and uncle always sent me a card and a little something and I realized that important love isn’t solely romantic love.  (You manage to lose sight of that during junior school and high school when you are not part of the “in” crowd.)

2) Mark and I fell in love after my second year in college and I realized how strong, solid and deep his love for me is.  I don’t have to worry about Valentine’s Day anymore; I know he loves me.  Just for the record, his gifts are much better than silly carnations!

3) Kayla came to live with us and she and I filled out little Valentines for every member of her classes together.  I hate that this year (next year in 5th grade she moves on to the middle school where they may not do this) may be the last year we do it.

4) I decided that at least some of those people must have sent the carnations to themselves so they would look more popular.  It’s probably not true, but it makes me feel better.

5) I was old enough to appreciate the scene at any grocery store in America at 5:30 p.m. on Valentine’s Day evening.  Try it this evening if you need a laugh; you will see men (and some women) desperately wandering the aisles trying to decide which of the leftover, slightly wilted flower arrangements would best disguise the fact that they forgot to get something for their special someone on this day, whether a bag of Reese’s cups counts as Valentine’s chocolate, if a one day old cookie cake or a new Swiffer sweeper would do the trick.  (Hint:  Nix the Swiffer sweeper; a gift of nothing for Valentine’s Day is better than a cleaning utensil, unless the cleaning utensil is a subscription to a weekly cleaning service for a year.)

So, today, while I am not exactly a fan of the “holiday,” I at least no longer hate Valentine’s Day – although as I schlep into Kayla’s school this morning in the rain with 40 Capri Suns, 64 Rice Krispies treats (yes, of course, I bought them at the store – you thought I made them at home?), 23 paper plates for the afterschool care party, a box of 24 Valentines with Nerds carefully tucked into them, a book bag and a 10-year-old, I may have to work hard to keep from falling into old thought habits!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

FN.  A misanthropist is someone who hates men, a misogynist is someone who hates women, so hence the word misovalentinist – someone who hates Valentine’s Day.  Spell check is having a fit!

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The Perils of Absent-Mindedness

Posted on February 8, 2012 | 6 comments

Good morning!

After I sat in the drive-through lane at Wendy’s for five minutes only to discover that I was sitting behind a parked car, which explained why the line wasn’t moving, I decided to reflect upon the perils of absent-mindedness.

From Print Shop Professional 2.0

1) Traffic stoppage.  I have sat at a four-way stop sign waiting for the light to change, wondering why the people behind me were so impatient.  (Note to self:  Stop signs won’t change to green.)

2) Unnecessary car repairs.  Mark and I had to swap cars one day.  I was in the Ford Escape, and became quite annoyed when it wouldn’t start – only to realize that I had been pressing the air conditioning on/off button in a vain attempt to get the car to start, rather than putting the key in the ignition.  (My Hyundai has a push button start.)  I was grateful to have discovered this before I called for a wrecker.

3)  Retracing steps.  I work in an office building with three flights of stairs, and I am on the top floor.  It can be quite inconvenient to leave my office, travel down to the basement, forget what I came for, and have to travel back up again three flights to the point of beginning to remember what I needed.  Good exercise though!

4) Retracing steps, part deux.  I have been known to walk through the house repeating over and over again the item that I need to carry back to a particular room just to be sure I don’t forget.

5) Retracing steps, part trois.  (Ha!  And you thought I didn’t know French.  Actually, I don’t; I’m just guessing that “trois” means “three” in French – it could be the French version of Troy for all I know.)  I also have had to turn the car around at various points along various routes because I forgot to stop at the one place that I had intended to travel to when I left my point of origin.

From Print Shop Professional 2.0

6) Taking extra trips to the store.  I have been known to leave the house for one specific item from the grocery store, return back 30 minutes later with $100 worth of groceries, and realize that I never did get the one thing that I really needed.

7) Finding food in odd places.  I have found the peanut butter, and various non-refrigerated items in the refrigerator; I have found the ice cream in the refrigerator and not the freezer; I have found the milk in the cupboard once or twice.

8) Voice overuse.  My family has become very patient about repeating their menu choices – I ask in the den, take the ten steps to the kitchen, and realize that I have forgotten what they said, and have to call out the question again from the kitchen.

From Print Shop 2.0 Professional

9) Poor wardrobe choices.  Wearing your night-clothes to work is normally not recommended.  Wait – that’s just a dream I had!  I have, however, discovered that I was wearing mis-matched shoes.

10) Giving adult responsibility to a 10-year-old.  My daughter has learned quickly to remind me to stop somewhere when she sees that I am about to miss a turn.  I am very grateful that she has not learned to comment upon the phenomenon.

11)  Having something to laugh about – Priceless!

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Smart Marketing

Posted on January 19, 2012 | 8 comments

Good morning Everyone!

What a week!  I’ve been trying to write this post since Tuesday, which was the day we got back from a mini-vacation to Orlando.  Tuesday for whatever reason my internet didn’t want to load pictures (and how can you talk about a trip to Orlando without pictures?) and then I ended up working until extraordinarily late to get a brief filed.  (By extraordinarily late, I’m talking about times I haven’t seen since I was in college!)  Then yesterday I had an 8 a.m. check-up which involved fasting beforehand (nothing to eat from 12 until 8 – I am not exactly Miss Merry Sunshine in the morning anyhow, but me without food in the morning is an unhappy combination!)  Then, the check-up over and breakfast procured,  I went to work to recover from my late night session Tuesday, which translates to trying to get enough papers moved to see the wood of my desk top and pushing forward with other projects.  It felt good last night just to come home and collapse – I was in bed by 8:30 and asleep by 9:20, which was great!

A visual depiction of my week so far!

But now we have reached Thursday and I have yet to post for this week, so I better get started.

As I’ve already mentioned, we spent this weekend traveling – Kayla went to visit my Mom, who had bought the two of them tickets to see the Broadway musical “Wicked” this past weekend, and Mark and I decided to take advantage of the weekend to go to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.

Mark and I did have a good time, but I want to talk today about our first evening there, where sunny Florida was not sunny (but only because it was night) and COLD! The night-time temperatures when we were out and about walking were down in the high 30’s. (For those of you from colder climes who think the high 30’s is downright balmy, I suggest you try coming down here to Alabama or Florida in July when our temperatures are in the mid-90’s or higher with 200% humidity, and you will understand.)

All right, I admit it wasn't as cold as this!

It was so cold, in fact, that I had to pull out The Squash to wear. The Squash is a bright yellow fleece that I have had for ages; I used to wear it often with green gym pants which made me sort of resemble a summer squash, which is how it got its name. The Squash is one of my favorite fleeces – brightly colored and extraordinarily warm, with sleeves that are too long – just too long enough so that I can pull my hands into them and let the sleeves double as gloves when I need them too. Long live the Squash!

Me in The Squash at Islands of Adventure

But I digress (I can hear the shocked gasps!) We didn’t want to go to either of the parks in the evening, because they weren’t going to be open that late, so we decided to go to City Walk, an entertainment area Universal has constructed in an area between Islands of Adventure (their second theme park) and Universal Studios (their first theme park.) After we got lost trying to find the walking path from our hotel, the Loew’s Royal Pacific, to City Walk, then finally retreating to the lobby where, starting from the point of origin we finally found the path, we had been out walking in the cold for about 25 minutes and were glad for a chance to sit down in the warmth at the restaurant we had chosen for dinner, called Pastamore.  At least, it started out warm, but once someone decided to open some large panels in the front, the temperature quickly plummeted.

The Beginning of the Islands of Adventure Theme Park

When we finished eating, we decided to walk around CityWalk and look at some of the shops. There are a lot of nightclubs there, too, but we were planning on an early day at the theme parks and didn’t want to stay up that late. The shops were interesting, but they were all cold. I think they had heat, but the fact that they left two doors open at all time caused most of the heat to float away in the night sky. Because they were cold, we didn’t really want to linger.

Until we came to the Fossil Store. For those who don’t know, Fossil is a company that makes watches, wallets, purses, some jewelry, belts, and some briefcases/satchels. Mark and I like what they sell, but at first we just intended to make a brief sweep of the store and go on. That is, until we entered the store and found that someone had the good sense to close one of the two doors to the shop and keep the heat in. It was blissfully warm in there! Nor were we the only tourists who had a sudden penchant to linger around the store that evening; I counted about 15 or 18 tourists sharing the shop with us while we were in there, and the store is not that big.

Mark ended up buying a watch for me; it is a nice, somewhat dressy watch for work. It is made out of my favorite precious metal, rose gold, and has Swarovski crystals embedded around the rim of the front.

Had the store not been warm, we never would have stayed in it long enough to find the watch, so kudos to the manager at the Fossil Store at City Walk at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida for extraordinarily smart marketing – with heat!

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Posted in Just stuff..., Travel, working mom

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It’s Time To Stop!

Posted on January 13, 2012 | 8 comments

Hi Everyone!

radio cassette tape car combo

Years ago, when cassette players were the equivalent of CD players or even MP3 players in cars are now, cars did not come with cupholders.  At all.  Many were the drinks then that got spilled in cars because people believed the drinks were securely held to the back of the car seat beside them by available heavy objects such as books or purses.

A MakeShift CupHolder - found on the blog "Just a Car Guy" on blogspot.com

Apparently, the first cupholder for cars was designed around 1950, because the November 1950 issue of Popular Mechanics contained the following picture and  article, which I found listed at BoingBoing.com, in an article submitted by Cory Doctorow.

Early, early cupholder

The Popular Mechanics article explained the following about the new design;

Travel snacks can be enjoyed while the car is in motion with a dashboard tray which prevents cold drinks or water glasses from tipping over. The tray hangs from two cords which are held on the dashboard by suction cups. Bottles or glasses rest on two disks which are suspended below the tray on chains. When not in use, the tray can be folded into small space for storage in the glove compartment.

Early 12 Ounce CupHolders

This design did not go very far, obviously, because most cars in the United States did not have cupholders, that I recall, until the 1980’s or so.  (Apparently, according to at least one source I found, cup holders are not a big deal in Europe in automobiles even today.)  Finally, however, a car designer somewhere along the way came up with the idea of placing cupholders in their cars by taking areas that otherwise would be blank space, and hollowing out a little hole, about the size of a 12 ounce can of soda or a cup of coffee, somewhere in the console between the driver’s seat and the passenger’s seat.  Another bright car designer realized that the occupants of the vehicle most likely to want drinks and need cupholders to avoid spilling would be youngsters in the back seat, at which point the back seat console complete with cupholder was born.

Cupholders in Back Console

So far, so good, but then another trend started – the birth of the soda fountain at your local gas/convenience store.  Originally, drinks came in about 12-16 ounce sizes that easily fit into your cupholder.  Then the convenience stores decided to make people think they were getting a better bargain by making drink cups bigger, and the 32  ounce cup was born.  At first, these cups did not fit into the cupholders in cars, but as their popularity grew, the carmakers enlarged the cupholders to accomodate the larger size cups.  32 ounces is a lot of anything, but still manageable.

Difference Between a 12 ounce and 32 ounce drinks

But today I stopped at a convenience store to grab a drink, and the only two sizes available were 12 ounces and 44 ounces, sort of the Alpha and Omega of cups.  I think it’s time to stop, people.  44 ounces is a lot of liquid!  To get some idea of how much consider this:  44 ounces is the equivalent of one third of a gallon of milk! While the 44 ounce cup at this store was designed so that the bottom of the cup tapered to fit into the standard (32 ounce) cupholder in most cars, I am sure there are many other such cups out there that do not, and quite frankly, I think the carmakers are running out of space to do any more enlarging!

Example of a 44 ounce drink

So, help out this new movement to stop the Super Size trend by selecting drinks no larger than 32 ounces when you get ready to purchase one, whether from a convenience store or a fast food place, before we drive the auto industry (further) to its knees!

Now, please excuse me so I can take a sip of my super-sized 44 ounce drink that I bought anyhow.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Inappropriate O’Fences

Posted on January 10, 2012 | 8 comments

Good morning Everyone!

Kayla is at an age now where one of our joys is listening to her thoughts and vocabulary expand.  Of course, she doesn’t always get every word right the first time, but the things she says can really surprise us.

This weekend, we went to the hospital to visit someone, and on the way into the hospital Mark was roughhousing with Kayla, just a little bit.  She looked up at him and said sternly, “Playing in the hospital like that is inappropriate.”  Both Mark and I had to stifle a laugh.  (Somehow, laughing out loud in the hospital waiting room also seemed inappropriate.)

Sunday night though, I laughed out loud.  While we were eating spaghetti and bread on trays in front of the TV (it was the playoffs, after all!), Mark started teasing Kayla about something.  She informed him that doing so “while I’m eating is O’Fences.”  I started to laugh, and had to calm down enough to explain that the correct word was “offensive.”  Mark thought it was funny, too.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Posted in Out of the mouths of babes...., working mom

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The Trashman Cometh and other Post-Christmas Joys!

Posted on December 28, 2011 | 10 comments

Good morning Everyone!

I took a mini-vacation from this blog (three days – Friday, Monday and Tuesday) but it seems like forever since I last was here.  I’m glad to be back with all of you!

Not that kind of vacation - I would still be there!

Yesterday morning, December 27th, brought great joy to our household.  Was it due to Christmas?  No, we had that celebration Sunday.  Was it because it was my birthday?  No, but it was my birthday and we did celebrate it.  Was it because Kayla decided to spontaneously clean her room and throw out all of her junk and put all of the good stuff back neatly just for the fun of it?  Wrong again – I think that would fall under the classification of miracle.

No, the event that brought such joy was the arrival of the post-Christmas trash pickup.  Christmas was, as you know, on Sunday, and Mark spent Monday cleaning out the garage, so by the time trash pickup day got here, our dumpster had floweth over and there were four good size boxes full of trash beside it.  However, just like Santa or the tooth fairy (although with just a bit more noise – the dogs sometimes hear the truck and bark), sometime early in the morning the trashmen came and emptied our dumpster and relieved us of our trash.

This may seem a rather mundane thing to celebrate, but we no longer take trash collection over the holiday season for granted – the first and second years we were in this house, we went without trash collection for two weeks between Christmas and New Years!  Kayla was five and six at the time, and we had even more Christmas left-overs than we have now, so we were in dire straits.  I was considering wandering the streets of our town asking complete strangers at Wal-Mart “Brother, can you spare a trashcan?”  By the time the garbage truck toodled its way down our street that third week, we literally chased it down, and talked to the driver and assistant as fast as we could to keep them there while we deposited trash bags into the truck at rapid speed.  They had originally intended just to empty our dumpster and move on!

That was, however, a different waste disposal company and a different time (our neighborhood was relatively new and we were one of only two houses in it, so I think the replacement/holiday driver just didn’t know we were here), but ever since then we are quite grateful when our trash gets picked up Christmas week!

Mandy

Monday afternoon late, Kayla was outside playing on the porch and the dogs were in the back yard for a while.  Suddenly Kayla opened the door to announce that Mandy, sometimes known as “Bad Dog”, had spent some time rolling in…well, the polite term would be, I think, biological waste products, probably her own.  I was writing at the time, so I told Kayla to wipe it off of Mandy with some paper towels.  I saw Kayla walk out with some paper towels, and then she came back in to say it wasn’t working very well.  I absent-mindedly mumbled that perhaps she should use more water (I had a 14,000 word article on depression I was trying to finish for a client) and didn’t really notice the grim-faced ten year old hauling the long but short white dog across the den into the bathroom.  I did hear the water start running, but since I had also suggested at some point that it would be a good idea for Kayla to take a bath, I thought that was what was happening.

Boy was I wrong!  About fifteen minutes later, the door opened and a clean, wet but not drenched Mandy came tearing out of the bathroom.  When Mark and I asked what happened, Kayla told us that she had given Mandy a shower!  She was very proud of herself for doing so, too.  (In her defense, the house rule is “Do not drag the dog into the bathtub with you because you want a friend to take a bath with.”  Since she was forcing a dog into the bathtub to clean her, I guess she didn’t technically break the rule.)  She said that she had to pop Mandy once on the rear to get her to finish going into the tub, but once she did, Mandy sat down in the bathtub and took her shower with good grace.  Kayla used Dove to clean her off, which I’m pretty sure is not a dog registered product but hopefully just one time won’t do Mandy’s coat any harm.  Kayla even cleaned the tub and shower out afterwards without being told.  Mandy has viewed Kayla with a new respect since then!

Pardon me; I just had to take a break for a minute to retrieve a ball of black yarn from Darwin, which he was tossing around trying to unstring, which brings me to another post-holiday joy – saving Darwin from the batteries.

Darwin

Darwin, also known by the alias “No-No”, loves things that roll that he can chase around the house at will.  Unbeknownst to any of us, he decided to pluck a package of AAA batteries off of the coffee table.  Since the package was open already, 8 triple AAA batteries went rolling off in many directions, and Darwin was in puppy Nirvana.  I did look up once to see him pawing at something under the couch, but, silly me, I thought it was one of his balls or other toys that roll that he was playing with.  It wasn’t until I heard unusual chewing sounds that I went around the corner to discover Darwin happily munching on a AAA battery.  While I have discovered that there are many things that dogs can eat, such as a complete tube of Neosporin, and not suffer any harm, I am pretty sure that AAA batteries are not one of them.  Kayla and I had a fun adventure tracking down all 8 of the batteries to be sure that he hadn’t punctured or ingested any of them.  We found two with teeth marks on them at various places in the house, but fortunately he hadn’t broken the casing, and then found the other six under different objects – one under the love seat, two under the ottoman, one under the coach and two that had rolled underneath dog beds.  We heaved a sigh of relief after we found the last one.  Darwin thought the group participation aspect of the battery play was the best part!

Well, I think I have written more than enough to make up for the three days I missed, so I better stop before I have written the equivalent of a full length novel!  I hope each of you had a very Merry Christmas and post-Christmas adventures at least as exciting as mine!

Have a great day!

Nancy

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Posted in dogs, On the Home Front, working mom

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On Cupboard Doors and Closet Shelves

Posted on December 21, 2011 | 9 comments

De’ Nile ain’t just a river in Egypt.    – Mark Twain

Good morning Everyone!

Today is my day to make confessions regarding cupboard doors and closet shelves.  I never really noticed that I have a habit of leaving cupboard doors open after I pull something out of them, until I overheard a visiting family member mutter to themselves a few months ago something about “doesn’t anyone in this house shut cupboard doors?”  I didn’t think much about it – I certainly didn’t leave cupboard doors open, after all – and then Mark, after a close encounter with one of the open cupboard doors said something else about it.  I made the natural assumption, as any parent would, that Kayla must have opened the cupboard doors and forgot to close them, so kindly reminded her to close the cupboard doors after she opened them.  After all, I certainly don’t open cupboard doors and forget to close them.  Then one day about two weeks ago while I was blogging, and I was the only one home, I looked over to my left from the table where I do most of my writing,  and saw this:

And this:

In legal terms, I think that counts as a smoking gun, and ever since that day two weeks ago have tried to do better.

I also try hard to put things back correctly in the cupboards and pantry, but in spite of my best efforts, sometimes I slip up.  I know this when I hear Mark open a cupboard door or the pantry while I am in another room, hear the soft thud of something falling out – usually on his head – and then the sounds of something akin to “Behold!  Yet another Tupperware container hath fallen on my head!”  The practical part of my brain realizes somewhere deep down that balancing a bag of flour on a can of soup, and then topping both of them off with a bag of bread or a box of Mac ‘n Cheese is probably not the ideal arrangement for stability, but the other part of me looks at the pantry and can’t figure out any other way to make everything fit.

And the Tupperware shelf!  Given the various size and shapes of plastic ware available, I am convinced that the people who design plastic ware expect the people using it to have mechanical engineering degrees to get it all to fit correctly.  I can match round to round and square to square pretty well, but then you run into oval, oblong, rectangular and super size and any chance of a decent storage system is gone!  I try (again) to keep things balanced safely, but every once in a while it seems impossible that it all will fit in correctly, so then I try to mush the unmushable bowl, and the gentle thud will happen soon after.  Sigh.

I’m working on it though; at the rate I’m currently going, I should have both the cupboard door problem and the Tupperware organization thing fixed by the time I’m 90 – or I may just borrow my friend Emily’s 11-year-old daughter, who likes to organize kitchens on a regular basis.  I’m not sure which!

Finally, here are some completely unrelated observations Kayla made this past week.

1) To Mandy:  Mandy, stop chasing your tail!  You won’t like it when you catch it.

2) To Me:

Kayla:  Mom, I’ve finally figured out what “Accio” is.   (This is a Harry Potter reference.)

Mom, originally:  Oh?

Kayla:  It lets you call things to you.

Mom:  Yes, like keys and cell phones.

Kayla:  I can see where that would be really useful, particular for you.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy

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Posted in On the Home Front, working mom

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On the Art of Gentle Satire

Posted on December 13, 2011 | 8 comments

Good morning Everyone!

I had a proud parent moment on Friday.  What caused that familiar heart thump with the shining glow that courses all over me whenever my daughter does something to make me proud? 

Did she make all A’s that week?  (No, that heart thump was Thursday.) 

 Did she save the world?  (Not yet, but I expect she will one day!)

Help out extra with the house?  (No, that heart thump was the last two Saturdays in a row.)

No, she used, for the first time that I can remember, the art of gentle satire to make a point .

Now, I need to backtrack.  Kayla is in a family where we a) love to laugh, b) admire the exceptionally witty response to any comment, and c) secretly believe that satire and sarcasm are spiritual gifts that Paul forgot to leave off of his list, quite unintentionally, of course.  FN. 1. 

When Kayla was four, she had been asking the same question over and over again, as children do, and about the fifth repeat Mark stopped and looked at her and said, “I know what you’re thinking, child.  Have I asked him five times, or six?  To tell you the truth, I’ve forgotten myself.  So the question is, are you feeling lucky today, kid?  Are you?  ARE YOU?”  FN.2

Mark and I were in gales, and Kayla thought her parents had lost their mind.

Ever since then, whenever a chance for gentle satire arises (one of the best kinds of humor is gentle satire that doesn’t leave a scar on your soul), Mark and I have started laughing, and Kayla just looks a little puzzled. 

But Friday, that changed. 

I went to pick her up and asked if she had received any numbers that day at school.  She told me she had received one, but it was for not being prepared.  (We don’t count those, really, even though we probably should; we are concerned with good behavior.)

I said something to the effect that the one number was okay, especially since it wasn’t a  conduct number, and the child turned to me in the front seat, folded her hands like the stereotypical picture of an angelic child, batted her eyes and said in a sickly sweet voice, “Why mother, your daughter would never do anything to earn a conduct number!  I’m a perfect angel!” 

I was so proud of her!  FN 3.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

 P.S.  If you have any comments you or your children have made that fall within the realm of gentle satire, please share them!  I would love to hear about it!

FN 1.  For people not familiar with the concept of spiritual gifts, read Galatians 5:22 in the New Testament, and then Google spiritual gifts and this reference will make a lot more sense.

FN 2.  If you don’t recognize that paraphrase, rent or download the movie “Dirty Harry” starring Clint Eastwood. 

FN 3.  She really has down amazingly well this year with conduct numbers.  I told her that, too, once I finished laughing at her first comment.   Purple Ambassadors is one of the best things that ever happened to her!

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Posted in Child's Play, working mom

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I’m on the BBC!

Posted on December 9, 2011 | 8 comments

Good morning, Everyone!

I was astounded to learn this morning that this blog is the lead story on the BBC – The Bassa Blogging Channel! Bassa, whose blog I have mentioned before, is a Caucasian Shepherd in Tbilisi, Georgia who writes a blog about her and her tall person’s adventures, along with her friends De and the little person. Oh, and she also lives with Mr. Crazy Parrot. (I mention Mr. Crazy Parrot in hushed tones – he has a dark past.)

Bassa, Chief Correspondent for the BBC, Bassa’s Blogging Channel

Bassa started her BBC because she felt that not enough good news was being broadcast on the regular news channels, and she wanted to start changing things. Every day, one post on her blog is about a story that contains good news. Check it out if you get the chance! Here is the link: Bassa’s Blog.

Kayla decided to “help” me out this morning before I left to take her to school by putting both Mandy and Darwin in their kennels for me. (You may recall that Tyra, aka the Saint, gets to stay out!) That was very sweet. The only problem was that in a fit of generosity, she decided to put food and water in each kennel, which we don’t normally do because that kind of defeats one of the purposes in leaving those two in their kennels. (Food and water does not defeat the chewing deterrent purpose of kenneling, however). She then managed to forget her binder that is a requirement for school everyday at the house because she had been working so hard on helping me and the dogs.

I am not looking forward to cleaning the mess up but I keep reminding myself that Kayla was just trying to help. Have any other parents out there had their children try to “help” and have to bite their tongue as a result?

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Top 50 Christmas Songs?

Posted on December 8, 2011 | 10 comments

Hi Everyone!

A piano book appeared in our house the other day.  I say “appeared” because none of the three of us remembers  where it came from or when it arrived, but it is full of easy Christmas music arrangements by Dan Coates, and the title of the book is Top 50 Christmas Hits.

While the book has many of what we would think of as “traditional” Christmas carols, and even some of the less “traditional” but familiar Christmas songs such as “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” and “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” there are songs in this “top 50” book that I have never heard.  Some of them, I thought, were worth sharing with you.

1) In the “Okay, then,” category:  “The Annual Animal Christmas Ball,” Words and Music by George David Weiss

See the donkeys going wild, 
See the rabbits by the mile, 
Racin’ rather madly down the trail, 
Honkin’ geese and quackin’ ducks, 
Little lambs and great big bucks, 
Never even stopping to inhale.
 
See the horned rhinoceros, 
And the duck-billed platypus, 
Go with greater gusto than a gale; 
And it’s not polite to laugh
When the camel and giraffe 
Stop to thumb their noses at the snail. 
 
***
It’s the annual animal Christmas Ball, 
It’s the annual animal Christmas Ball, 
And a very good time will be had by all, 
At the annual animal Christmas Ball. 
 
 

2) In the “truth in advertising” category:  “Nuttin’ for Christmas,” Words and Music by Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennett

I broke my bat on Johnny’s head, 
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid a frog in sister’s bed, 
Somebody snitched on me. 
I spilled some ink on Mommy’s rug, 
I made Tommy eat a bug, 
Bought some gum with a penny slug, 
Somebody snitched on me. 
 
Oh, I’m gettin’ nuttin’ for Christmas, 
Mommy and Daddy are mad. 
I’m getting nuttin’ for Christmas. 
I ain’t been nuttin’ but bad.  
 

3) In the “Too Much Math for Me!” category:   “Thirty-two Feet and Eight Little Tails,” Words and Music by John Redmond, James Cavanaugh and Frank Weldon

Dash, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, 
Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, 
Over the moon so bright, 
Thirty-two feet and eight little tails of white
Hurry, hurry hurry through the night. 
 

4)  In the “Let’s Not Go There” category: “The Twelve Pounds of Christmas” Words and Music by Tom Zigler.  (I’ll just put out the last verse for your reading pleasure!)

On the twelfth pound of Christmas, my mirror said to me, “Sooie, pig, sooie!”
Grazing is for cattle, 
Schedule liposuction, 
I wouldn’t wear that Spandex, 
That’s not on Weight Watchers, 
Don’t go back for seconds, 
Cut back just a little, 
The dryer shrunk your jeans! 
You’re retaining fluid, 
You’re big-boned, 
I really didn’t notice, 
And your butt still looks good to me! 
 

(As the founding member of the “Chocolate Santas Are Good for You” Association, I object strongly to the opinions expressed in the previous song!)

5) In the “Oops!” and “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” categories:  “Santa Claus on De Coconut Tree” Words and Music by John Fales and Horace Linsley.

In de tropics where we have no snow, 
Rudolph and de reindeer, dey cannot go, 
But our little island, Santa never forget. 
He bring us all gifts in his corporate jet. 
But this Christmas Eve, oops! 
He run outta gas. 
Santa gotta bail out mighty fast.
Plane and presents splash into de sea. 
We’ll parachute land him on a coconut tree. 
 
Santa Claus on de coconut tree, 
Wavin’ and smilin’ so merrily.
Christmas mornin’, 
What a sight to see! 
Santa Claus on de coconut tree! 
 

6) And in the multiple categories of “Weirdest Christmas Song Ever,” “Say what?” and “That’s Just Disgusting,” I bring you the marvelous saga of “The Fruitcake That Ate New Jersey,”  Words and Music by Lauren Mayer.

Frightening, horrible things they say
Can lurk in what seems to be ev’ryday.
So better be wary, 
It’s even more scary when
Evil appears to be sweet.
Take, for example, this time of year.
Should elves and Santa Claus cause us fear? 
This innocent season is all the more reason to watch out or you might meet
The fruitcake that ate New Jersey
Never shows any mercy
Devouring ev’rything in each town
And nothing and no one can slow it down. 
Ev’ryone it would since meet
Ends up as a hunk of mincemeat. 
A horrible fate, to end up on the plate of the
Fruitcake that ate New Jersey!
 

Have a good day everyone!

Nancy

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