Tag Archives: humor

Progress?


Good morning everyone!

  • Dogs in the Shower

Conversation from this morning:

Kayla (reflectively, from the other room):  Mom, you know how I can’t drag the dogs into the bath with me?   (Rules I Never Thought I’d Need # 8  )

Mom:  Yes.

Kayla:  Is that true for showers, too?

My question to you:  Is it progress that she asked before trying out the experiment or should I be dismayed that she had to ask at all?

  • The (Now non-) Beeping Fridge

Refrigerators - Public Domain Photograph by Paul Morse

About three days ago, the refrigerator in the garage finally stopped beeping.  It had been beeping a sequence of five beeps every minute or so since around July 20.  (See, The Beeping Fridge.)  Last time I checked, which was this morning, the rest of the refrigerator was still working.  So, did we break the beeper through lack of attention or did the refrigerator just give up on whatever it was trying to tell us since we refused to listen to it?

  • Pencils

Vending Machine Pencils

Kayla did buy three pencils yesterday.  (See, Pencils.)  I did not see them or get a picture of them.  Would it surprise any of you to know that none of them were the “winning” blue pencil?

  • Pencil Sharpener

My Firm's New Electric Pencil Sharpener, Exacto Brand

I found it ironic that yesterday, after writing a blog post about pencils that mentioned pencil sharpeners, I was unable to find either a manual or an electric pencil sharpener at work.  Immediately, I asked that the situation be remedied, and now my firm is the proud owner of one electric pencil sharpener that will reside in my office.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Pencils


Good morning everyone!

I was sitting here with no idea of what to write about, when my dogs and my daughter saved me once again.

Darwin Barges In

Darwin has a rope toy that he loves. It is the only thing thick enough and long enough that I have been able to find that lasts longer than one day around him. (Right now we are at three weeks and counting.) He had picked it up and was shaking it around in order to entice Mandy to play tug of war with him, when all of a sudden both of them raced off into the bedroom. I looked up as they raced back into our great room, only to realize that Mandy was leading, with something long and white in her mouth while Darwin was chasing her with the rope toy. I managed to save the bath towel from Mandy without further damage, although she has made it clear to me that she thinks I am just being plain unreasonable.

Mandy and Darwin Confer

Then Kayla sat down to eat breakfast, but immediately jumped back up again, ran to her room and returned to the breakfast table to announce that she had put her money in her pocket after all.  Naturally, I was curious as to why she needed money.  She told me it was because she wanted to get pencils from the pencil machine.  (The school has acquired a pencil vending machine this year.)

Now, press pause on that thought for a minute, and travel back in time with me three weeks to our school shopping expedition where we bought two dozen pencils for her to use at school.  Fast forward to yesterday, and view her book bag which at the time had one dozen pencils in its front mesh pocket that I could see, and another dozen in the front pocket without mesh which I found while checking her homework.

Electric Pencil Sharpener

With that in mind, you will understand why I was at least mildly curious as to why a child already overly gifted with pencils would wish to acquire more.  She at first tried to tell me that the pencils from the pencil machine were already sharpened.  That’s probably the wrong tactic to take in a family as blessed with the gift of kindler and gentler satire as we are.  I gasped and said, “Oh no; you might possibly have to find a pencil sharpener in the school so you can sharpen a pencil.”  She looked at me, and I added, “Even worse, you might have to use a manual pencil sharpener.”  At that point I knew I won the logical argument, because the half-smile that plays across her mouth when she knows she can’t win the discussion but doesn’t know how to back out of it arrived.

Manual Pencil Sharpener

So then I said, “Let me guess.  The pencil machine has pencils that are really pretty.”  Straight faced, she told me that wasn’t why she wanted them at all. 

Vending Machine Pencils

My curiosity unsatisfied, I again asked what was the big deal about a vending machine  pencil and she told me that every so often a student gets a blue pencil from the machine with the words “You Are A SeaCoast Winner” printed on it, and that if you took that pencil up to the librarian, you would get a prize.  I asked her what the prize was, and she had no idea.  It’s not that I really begrudge her spending her own quarters for pencils, but my poor pens are already vastly outnumbered by the pencils floating around the house, and I really would like to be able to save at least one or two of the pens.  (See, Of Waves and Pens.)

A Winning Pencil Without the Right Words

Still, as a mom, you have to pick your battles, and I wasn’t willing to engage over 3 quarters when I am sure we have more important battles looming in the near future (can you say homework and reviewing basic math facts?) so having shown that I could have won the discussion if I wanted to, I let it slide.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Anniversary!!


Hi Everyone!

Today marks the six month anniversary of my blog.  I want to thank each of you who subscribe to it, read it regularly, comment on it and forward posts.  It really makes a difference knowing that someone out there likes to read what I write.

In six months, I have reached 58 subscribers through e-mail or WordPress and five to 9 subscribers (Feedburner changes its mind daily) through an RSS feed.   Including this post, I have written 136 posts and had 10,821 views.  Those numbers are way beyond my wildest dreams when I started writing on February 22.

The First Picture I Put In A Post

I have, in that six months, taken three trips I have had the privilege of sharing with you, one to Key West, one to Pensacola, and one to Destin. 

The Hemingway House African Tulip Tree with the original Key West lighthouse in the background

I have cooked cheese grits for my daughter once, and only once (see, Cheese Grits and Pugliese Bread and Cheese Grits, the Sequel.)  I have added at least three more rules to my list of “Rules I Never Thought I’d Need.” (See, Just When I Thought I Could Retire the List and Of Kongs and Water Squirting Implements.) 

I was able to share some of the beautiful Southern spring with you, a little bit of the better part of summer, and am looking forward to fall when I can show even more. 

I also have had the privilege of introducing you to the wonderful women I work with at my office, while reserving the privilege of introducing you to the other wonderful women I work with in the Birmingham office as well as all of the wonderful men I work with.  (See, A Tribute to the Women of Main Street.)

You even have given me the courage to start a second blog, The Football Novice, something I never would have dreamed of doing six months ago.

Most of all, I have tried to share with you the wonderful chaos that is my life as a wife and mother with a full-time outside job and three crazy dogs.  I hope I have made you laugh along the way, and can’t wait to share more with you as time goes on.

Tyra: Crazy Dog No. 1

Mandy: Crazy Dog Number 2

Darwin, Crazy Dog Number Three

Have a great evening everyone!

Nancy

Football Memories


Good morning everyone!

Since I still have football on the brain, I wanted to talk to you about my football memories.  FN.

My earliest football memories stem from my pre-school years, when my family lived in Annapolis, Maryland.  I can remember my dad sitting in front of the television on Sunday afternoons sound asleep.  Either myself or one of my sisters would try to sneak into the den and turn the channel to something more entertaining than a boring football game (remote controls had not yet been invented; you actually had to go to the TV set and turn a knob) only to have him announce, while still sound asleep, “Touch that dial and you will be called “Stubby” for the rest of your life.”  Since my dad was a naval officer, and we were in Annapolis because he was stationed at the Naval Academy, we also could not help become aware of a rivalry between the Navy and the Army, although I’m not sure we really understood that it stemmed from football.  I do know that I was in sixth grade before I realized that the Navy and the Army did not exist to fight each other, but rather to join in common cause to fight our nation’s enemies.  I really think, given the choice, they would prefer to fight each other anyhow, but they have called a truce in the interest of national security that is only broken when the Army-Navy game is played each year.

Then, after several years, I started high school in the Washington D.C. area while Joe Theisman was the Redskins quarterback and Joe Gibbs was the coach.  Dad made sure to instill in all three of his daughters a love for Redskins football, although we noticed that he was very conflicted when the biggest rivalry game of the season would roll around – the Redskins v. the Cowboys.  Dad always wanted the Redskins to win, but the Dallas Cowboys’ quarterback, Roger Staubach (who was a Naval Academy graduate like Dad) to look good.  Either shortly before or after we left the D.C. area, the Fun Bunch began their antics, which just made a football game pure fun, and the Hogettes began their long attendance at Redskin games as well.

We moved from D.C. to Alabama.  Over time, I learned that college football was even more important than professional football, at least in Alabama.  I am ashamed to admit that during the first few years we were here, my Mom and sisters  and I looked upon the Auburn-Alabama game as a great time to do Christmas shopping – no-one else was out during the game.  It took about four years, but we too ceased to go out during the Auburn-Alabama game, and instead stayed glued to the television to see the outcome of the game.  Even as transplants, we picked sides – myself and my youngest sister are Auburn fans, and my middle sister is an Alabama fan.

That passion for Auburn football only grew when I attended Auburn, met my future husband and began going to games as a college student.  The one year we were both at  Auburn together, we had student season tickets by the Auburn Yacht Club.  They were a great group of students to sit beside.  Every score or large gain led to high fives down the entire row whether you were a member of the Yacht Club or not, and that year, because a running back named Bo Jackson was playing for our team, there were a lot of high fives!

After I graduated from college and Mark and I got married, we watched both college and professional football.  We have struck a nice balance now; we watch Auburn football with a great deal of emotional investment, but we watch NFL football simply to enjoy the game, although there are many teams that we like and we usually know who we want to win the game that we watch.  (All right, I admit the year the Patriots went undefeated in the regular season, we got pretty involved in the New York Giants’ attempt to stop them from getting that record on the last game of the regular season.  That was one of the best football games I have ever seen, and the funny thing was that it didn’t make a difference to either team in terms of where they would stand in the playoffs.  Still, I don’t believe the Giants would have beaten the Patriots in the Super Bowl that same year had they not put in the extraordinary effort I saw that day, even though they ultimately lost that game.  That effort taught the Giants that the Patriots were not unbeatable, and they believed that all the way through to the final game!)

We are now intent on passing along the football traditions of our family to Kayla, and she is taking to them quite well.  She is already an avid Auburn fan, and the first question she asks at the beginning of any NFL game that we watch is “Who are we going for?”  She likes Peyton Manning and Cam Newton as quarterbacks, and I can’t wait to see how far she goes in her love of the game!

Do you have any special football memories?  Are there any teams you are particularly a fan of?  If so, I would love to hear about them from you!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy

FN.  I suspect the Football-on-the-brain syndrome has a lot to do with getting my new website, The Football Novice, up and running as well as with the start of the NFL pre-season!

Building a Web Site – It Ain’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be


Good Morning Everyone!

Picture by Torsten Bolten, on Wikimedia Commons.

As you may recall from last week, I am starting a weekly post on basic football rules – the posts publish on Friday.  My ultimate goal is to have this weekly post on its own blog, and in a fit of overconfidence, I decided I would try to build the web page myself through WordPress.org.  I have not gotten very far along with the experience, but I have learned two things:

1) My excellent vocabulary does me no good when it comes to the terms necessary to build a blog site.

2) I have no clue what I am doing.

From Print Shop Professional 2.0

The first step seemed easy enough – I had to pick a web host for my blog.  I went to WordPress.org, they had several listed and I picked the first one.  The registration process went smoothly, my new domain name (www.nflnovice.com) was registered, my account was verified and then I started trying to download the WordPress.org software.

From Print Shop Professional 2.0

That’s when everything came to a screeching halt.  There is a very annoying thing called a FTP.  After several tries to guess what that meant (Failure to Prepare, Files to Press, Fast Top Press), I finally googled the term to find out that it means “File Transfer Protocol.”  I gained a vague understanding that this has something to do with transferring information from one location to another, but that is about all I have learned.  To install the WordPress software onto the website I want to use, I have to tell it something about my FTP, and I apparently am not giving it the answer it is looking for.  When I go to the place where I am supposed to be able to find the answer it is looking for, it gives me the information I am placing into the WordPress software already!  If you think arguing with one computer is hard, trying arguing with three!  I have censored several swear words throughout this process.

From Print Shop Professional 2.0

Then two days ago it occurred to me that the National Football League might object to the title “The NFL Novice” under some kind of trademark law.  I have spent some more time reading through the trademark papers, and even sending an e-mail to the licensing people at the NFL to try to find an answer, but no luck.  Of the many uses the acronym “NFL” is trademarked for, almost none of them fit the category of what I want to do, except for this one phrase about electronic dissemination of information to third persons for some purpose ( I can’t remember the exact phrasing; it is the purpose that is iffy – I may or may not be trying to do that, if I could ever figure out exactly what they mean.)  In the course of wading through that issue, I decided to be safe and picked out another name for my new blog “The Football Novice”, with locations at www.footballnovice.com and www.thefootballnovice.com.  (Don’t bother to check the links; there’s nothing exciting there yet.)

So then, I went back to WordPress to try to get it installed on one of the three blogs, and went to the “How To” page, which told me that before I did anything, I needed something called a “Text Editor.”  At that point, last night, I decided to call it a day.  They had several listed on the page,but I hadn’t heard of any of them.

Please Help!

For now, I think I am going to go back to my trusty Kindle, where, gathering electronic dust for a couple of months now, resides “The Idiots Guide to Building A Blog.”  I think my efforts have now qualified me to start reading!

So, for at least the next couple of weeks, bear with the Football Friday posts here.  I will figure out how to do this, and have the new blog up and running some day!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Underappreciated Tasks In the Modern World: Garbage Collection


Good morning Everyone!

Those of you who read yesterday’s post, Now the second day, will remember that by the time I pulled out of the driveway headed to work I was somewhat discombobulated.  This sensation only increased when I realized that the garbage can was not out on the curb for trash collection.  I should have realized that yesterday was garbage collection day, because I had been given a clue – the sunrise pictures I took yesterday included photos of my neighbors’ garbage cans out on the curb.

A Clue for the Clueless!

However, I did manage to forget, so was aghast to see the garbage can in the driveway as I pulled out.  In our household, going two weeks without garbage collection usually leads to a certain amount of desperation.  No matter how hard we try, we just can’t cram two weeks worth of stuff into the bin.  Fortunately, I found out this morning that my ultra-organized husband had not only put the garbage can out on the street for pickup Tuesday morning, but had gone ahead and taken the can back in since it had already been collected by the time he was ready to leave for work. 

Horse Drawn Garbage Cart

The idea that garbage collection is a necessity is a relatively new one in human history.  For centuries, humans did not worry about waste disposal; they either piled the waste in one spot, burned it, or, most common in cities, just threw it in the streets.  Interestingly, it was Benjamin Franklin (surprised?) who formed the first street cleaning service in 1757 and who encouraged the public to dig pits to dispose of their waste.  It wasn’t until the late 1800’s to early 1900’s before cities started to really focus on waste collection.  Even then, as the photograph above shows, there was not a lot of concern about where trash was dumped; it was dumped in any open field, wet land or watercourse that seemed convenient. FN.

One of the first motorized garbage collection trucks

Once the internal combustion engine was invented and harnessed for transportation, it didn’t take very long for the garbage collection truck to be invented as well.  The truck above is from the early 1900’s.  It posed problems for garbage men, though, because it required the person picking up the trash can to lift it over his head.   

The rear-loading garbage truck was invented as early as the 1920’s. 

Ad for 1920's rear-loader

A similar model is still used to pick up my garbage today, although hydraulic lifts and other mechanical improvements have been added to make it easier on the garbage collector.

The garbage truck I am most familiar with

Between the 1920’s and today, of course, many other forms, shapes and sizes of garbage trucks were tried out.  The next one is one of my favorites; using it taught the garbage industry that bigger is not always better!

The Godzilla of Garbage Trucks

My family has not had to resort simply to imagination to experience what it would be like today if there was no garbage collection.  The first two years we lived in our house, our neighborhood was so new that when replacement drivers would come in around Christmas time, they just forgot about us.  You don’t realize how desperately important trash collection is until you go three weeks without it with a five/six-year-old girl at Christmas time.  By the time we heard the garbage truck that second year after Christmas, Mark and I both flew out of the house, chased it down, and held the garbage men there in conversation while we not only got them to empty our can, which was full to overflowing, but also sweet-talked them into taking the other seven garbage bags we had been forced to store in various and sundry places.  Actually, there wasn’t a lot of sweet-talking involved – we just kept grabbing bags and chucking them into the garbage truck opening like madmen.  Fortunately, by the third year in our house, even the replacement drivers knew where we were (or word had spread that the crazy people at our house would chuck garbage into the truck no matter what if you skipped us) and we haven’t had the same problem since.  However, I have never taken garbage collection for granted after that!

Other garbage trucks from years gone-by

So, today or the next week, if you get behind a garbage truck, or when your own local garbage man comes by to collect your trash, give them a friendly wave, and a kind thought.  Without them, our homes would be messier, smellier places and they deserve our thanks!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

FN.  The pictures and historical information above came from Ace Disposal:  The History of Garbage Collection.

Now the second day…


Good morning everyone!

Good morning!

I have to blow off  some steam today.  Anyone who has, or has had, a girl child between the ages of 9 and 16 will understand. 

The first day of school apparently went very well – no homework, except for spelling, no conduct numbers and people we like in our classroom made for a very good day. 

The second day has started out rougher.  She is now on her fifth or sixth outfit – each one has something wrong with it, with six minutes left before she has to leave the house.  Let’s just say if Mandy finishes eating her food before you’re dressed, you know your dressing process is taking way too long. 

No-no, having finished her food, now turns her attention to an envelope from the coffee table

I think she finally acquired an outfit, but is putting on her sneakers at a pace that would put molasses to shame.  I still have yet to see her emerge from her bedroom with a complete outfit on.

This delay means that Kayla will miss first breakfast here at the house, but not to worry – now that school has started, she also gets breakfast at the after-school center where she catches the bus and at school, so she won’t go hungry.  I, on the other hand, have felt three more grey hairs pop out on my head since I have been repeatedly exhorting her to get dressed. 

She finally emerged from her bedroom, fully dressed.  (Do I hear a sigh of relief from the galleries?)  In doing so, she tried to quietly slip out of the house with two book bags – the small one she insisted on buying with her own money when we went shopping for school supplies and the large one from last year which we told her was still in excellent condition and would work better anyhow.  I think she was hoping we would neither notice, nor comment.  Why she would think that given the two parents she has, I don’t know. 

Sunrise over the lake in the morning

While on the surface, it has been a rough morning, deep down everything is okay.  We are healthy, together and taking care of each other, so all will ultimately be good.  Still, tonight – THE CLOTHES GET LAID OUT FOR NEXT MORNING!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

First Day of School!


Good morning Everyone!

As hard as it is to believe, our summer vacation is over, and school started today!  It really does seem like it was only last week that summer vacation was just starting.  See, The First day of Summer Vacation

Since it was the first day of school, of course pictures were called for.  Kayla is entering fourth grade this year, and was gracious enough to wear the outfit I bought for her for the first day of school without any fuss. Kayla started our picture-taking session by telling Darwin what to do.

Kayla telling Darwin what to do.

He wasn’t exactly listening.

Darwin wasn't exactly listening.

So we left Darwin out of the next few pictures.  I tried hard to get a good one of her smiling but I’m not sure how well I succeeded. 

What IS it with her and the camera?

This picture I though was a good close-up.

Just playing around

Almost time to go....

Then she realized she really was leaving in just a minute:

I really am going to leave in a minute, aren't I?

 Once Mark came out, Darwin decided to re-enter the picture-taking process.

Daddy and Darwin Make Me Smile!

 Then, a small miracle happened – Darwin stood still long enough for me to get a good shot of all three of them!

As I watched Kayla and Mark walk out the door, ghosts of memory walked out beside them –  each of the little girls that Kayla used to be that also went out that same door for a new school year.  My favorite memory is from kindergarten.  We took pictures that day too.

Mark and Kayla, first day of kindergarten

 

At the door, ready to go, with Tyra

We drove Kayla to school for the first day of Kindergarten, and walked into the school with her to take her to the classroom.  Although she insisted the whole time she wasn’t nervous, of course we knew she was.  Still, we got to the front doors of the school, she took each of our hands, and as we opened the door to go in together, she took a deep breath, and a solidly determined look came over her face – she was going to succeed in entering this new phase of her life, no matter what.  We knew she was going to be okay after that.

Here’s hoping you and yours, whatever grade they may be in, have or had a good first day of school this year!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Football Follies


Good morning everyone!

Picture by Torsten Bolten, on Wikimedia Commons.

Last night was a big evening at our household – the first televised pro football game of the 2011-2012 pre-season popped up on ESPN.  All three of us love watching football; Kayla more out of self-defense than anything else, since she has learned that if a live NFL football game is on, we will be watching it.  Mark is a serious student of the game, but I am much more of a dilettante. 

I know basic aspects of the game, such as the fact that the object of the game is to take the oblong shaped ball down the field to cross your opponent’s goal line, that a touchdown is worth 6 points, a point after kick is worth 1 and that you can, if you choose, to “go for two” after the touch down instead.  A lot of the finer rules escape me.  For example, I know it is a bad thing if anyone moves (besides the one special dude who always gets to run the width of the field) before the ball is snapped, but I continually get lost between false start and encroachment.  The difference is whether the defense or the offence does it, but I do have a hard time keeping it straight. 

I know the names of certain positions, but not all.  For example, I know what a quarterback, center, running back and wide receiver do, but I really couldn’t tell you the difference between a nose guard and a tackle (although I should be able to).  I get a little confused about the tight end, because he seems to be sort of a running back, receiver and member of the offensive line, all rolled into one.  I also know the names of certain players, heavily weighted towards those players who played for Auburn University or in the SEC, including Jason Campbell, Takeo Spikes, Heath Evans, Peyton and Eli Manning, Carnell Williams, Ronnie Brown, Sean Alexander and a host of others, and I am eagerly awaiting the debut of Cam Newton, Nick Fairley and Lee Ziemba onto the NFL stage.

Curtis Painter (7) and Peyton Manning (18), picture by Chris Staley from Wikimedia Commons

There are certain key points of the game that are hard to miss.  In particular, I think that a good offensive line is probably even more important overall than a star quarterback, running back, wide receiver – none of the last three can do what they need to do if the offensive line isn’t in the trenches slugging it out for them.  I think the star quarterback, running back and wide receiver would agree with me.  The same is true also of the defensive line.  You can predict the winner of a game by whichever of the two lines wins the battle in the trenches. 

I have decided this year to learn a little bit more about this game that I love to watch.  My goal for this season is to learn the names of each position on the field and what they do.  Unfortunately, last night I didn’t make this decision until I was into my third game of BeJeweled on the iPad, so I lost the opportunity to learn anything beyond the fact that the ESPN announcers felt that the lack of a full length training camp was very, very bad for the rookies.  They referred several times due to the fact that they believed that this rookie class would be the “lost rookie class of 2011.”  The rookies didn’t look particularly lost to me; it seemed that they had found the stadium and locker rooms just fine! 

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Kayla’s Conundrum


Good morning everyone!

In case you haven’t noticed, it has gotten hot again.  That ugly two word phrase “heat index” which usually comes with the equally ugly “heat advisory” has slipped back into my weatherman’s vocabulary.  I think our heat index was somewhere between 106 and 108 the other day.   When that happens, our house gets a little warm; our poor air conditioner does the best that it can, but only manages about a 20 – 25 degree temperature differential during the day.  At night the house cools down, but when the heat index is over 100, it is still several hours after sundown before the air conditioner gets to rest. 

The other night, we put Kayla to bed at her usual bedtime.  An hour later Kayla started crying, so I went into her bedroom to see what the fuss was about.  She told me, “Mommy, I’m hot.”  I gently pointed out to her that the fact that she had her bedspread,  a thick blanket and a sheet tightly cocooned around her might have something to do with it.  She emphatically disagreed. 

Rather than teach her elementary thermodynamics at 9 p.m. on a Tuesday night, I decided to make another gentle suggestion.  Perhaps, I urged politely, the room might feel cooler if she used her ceiling fan?  As I did so, I turned the fan on for illustrative effect.  I was told that solution, too, was unacceptable because it meant that the fan would be rotating while she was asleep.  A little less gently and politely, I mentioned that the fan rotating was the whole point of the exercise.  She remained unimpressed.

At that point, the tired parent part of me kicked in.  I told her that I was sorry she was hot, but she had to stay in bed.  As she crawled back under her comforter, the blanket and the sheet, I had one last idea.  I told her that I would bump the air down another two degrees, but that it would take a while for her to feel any effect because the air conditioner hadn’t even gotten below 76 yet.  A little teary-eyed, she sniffled her way to sleep as I closed the door. 

Kayla managed to find her way to sleep and out of her conundrum.  When she got up the next morning, she showed me that she had turned on her fan.  She also conceded that having it on did make her feel better.  Whether this was sans bedspread and blanket, she failed to share. 

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy