Tag Archives: humor

The Twelve Days Pre-Christmas

Posted on December 7, 2011 | 19 comments

THE TWELVE DAYS PRE-CHRISTMAS

(To the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas,” with apologies to Mark, who hates that song!)

I.

On the first day pre-Christmas, my true love said to me:  “We need to go shopping promptly.” 
 

II.

On the second day pre-Christmas, my true love said to me, “Need to put the tree up.”
–  But we need to go shopping promptly.
 

III.

On the third day pre-Christmas, my true love said to me, “Let’s have a party!”
 (But we need to put the tree up
And we need to go shopping promptly.)
 

IV.

 On the fourth day pre-Christmas, my child said to me, “I need some presents! You’ll have a party.  Why isn’t the tree up?” and “You need to go shopping promptly!”
 

V.

On the fifth day pre-Christmas, my wondering eyes did see – A SALE AT MACY’S! 
My child  still needs presents,
The party’s Friday,
The tree still is not up
And I need to go shopping promptly!
 

VI.

On the sixth day pre-Christmas, my bad self said to me, “Eat a chocolate Santa!”
– There’s A SALE AT MACY’S!
My child still needs presents,
The party’s Friday,
The tree is still not up
And I need to go shopping promptly.
 

VII.

On the seventh day pre-Christmas, my conscience said to me, “No more chocolate Santas!”
(I don’t care, I found one!) 
There’s a SALE AT MACY’S!
My child still needs presents,
The party’s Friday,
The tree is halfway up
And I need to go shopping promptly.
 

VIII.

On the eighth day pre-Christmas, the school note said to me “20 cupcakes in two days now! ” 
No more chocolate Santas!
(How about a Reese’s?),
There’s a SALE AT MACY’S!
Child’s gifts now hidden,
The party’s soon,
The tree just got knocked down
And I need to go shopping promptly.
 

IX.

On the ninth day pre-Christmas my true love said to me, “Aren’t you a little stressed dear?”
20 cupcakes by tomorrow,
NO MORE CHOCOLATE SANTAS!
(I don’t care, I’ll have one),
There’s a SALE AT MACY’S! 
Child’s not found her gifts,
Party’s almost here,
The tree is standing up
And I need to go shopping promptly.
 

X.

On the tenth day pre-Christmas, my oven said to me, “Why haven’t you bought the turkey?”
I’m a little stressed now,
20 cupcakes by this evening,
(Shut up about the Santas! – I’m going to have two more now)
There’s a SALE AT MACY’S! 
Child’s gifts still in hiding,
The party’s now,
The tree is not yet lit
And I need to go shopping promptly.
 

XI.

On the eleventh day pre-Christmas, my true love said to me, “What about the dressing?”
Where did I put the turkey? 
I’m getting truly stressed now,
20 cupcakes from the grocers,
NO MORE CHOCOLATE SANTAS!  (I can’t hear you Conscience)
There’s a SALE AT MACY’s! 
Child’s gifts locked up tight now,
The party’s done,
The tree just blew a fuse
And I need to go shopping promptly!
 

XII.

On the day that Christmas got here, I woke up and did see –
A banquet for my family,
Turkey and Dressing,
Even giblet gravy,
Stress has gone away now,
Stockings filled with care
(But no chocolate Santas)
NO SALE AT MACY’S!
Child loves her gifts,
No more parties now,
Tree is A-OK,
And I’m going to nap until New Years!

19 Comments

Posted in On the Home Front, working mom

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Antlers! My Kingdom for Some Antlers!

Posted on December 2, 2011 | 10 comments

Good morning everyone!

A Working Mother

Picture, if you will, a working mother.  No, that description’s not specific enough.

Picture, if you will, a working mother with a cold.  Well, we’re getting closer, but we’re still not there yet. 

Picture, if you will, a working mother in her mid to upper 40’s with a (bad) cold who has to find some sort of festive holiday hat for her child to wear on the class field trip the next day during her lunch hour, and you will have a pretty good idea of what I looked like yesterday.

Caroling

Kayla and the other Purple Ambassadors at her school are taking a field trip to the nursing home today (Friday) somewhere to sing Christmas Carols.  She mentioned to me Tuesday night at 8 that they were supposed to wear a Santa hat, reindeer antlers or elf ears as part of their wardrobe for said field trip.  Before you start admiring my child for telling me in advance, bear in mind that Wednesday nights are always filled with church activities and Thursday night this week was blocked off for her new basketball practice, so telling me at 8:00 p.m. Tuesday night is the equivalent of telling me at the last minute.

Oops!

I admit that perhaps I should have looked for it on Wednesday during the day, which I took off, but my cold had started and I was trying to get it beat before I went back to work on Thursday, I had to take Tyra to the vet and get the oil changed in the car and I just didn’t have it in me.

Of course, my cold was worse on Thursday, but having left it until then, there was no choice but for me to venture out into the cold, cruel 50 degree world from my office in search of a holiday hat for my child at lunch.  The biggest problem was that I was anticipating having to go to the Super Wal-mart to find what I needed, and entering the Super Wal-Mart is always an other worldly experience.  No matter how determined you are when you walk in (I am going to go to the battery aisle, pick up one package of double A batteries and walk out) it never happens.  A mental fog gently descends upon you three steps into the store and you start wondering if you might need a toaster, new house linens, a new fishing reel (and I don’t fish!), a new TV, steaks for the next three months or other assorted items.  If you’re lucky, the mental fog breaks just enough for you to remember what you originally came there for – batteries.  This process is not helped by the fact that Wal-mart rearranges everything periodically so that you have to hunt for it.

As you can see, the Super Wal-Mart on a good day takes a great deal of effort and willpower, but the Super Wal-Mart on a day when you feel like you’ve been run over by an 18 wheeler and you’re sporting an attractive cherry red upper lip and nose from all the Kleenex you’ve been using seems like Mount Everest.  I told our receptionist when I left that if I wasn’t back in two hours, to please send help. 

So, to go back to the beginning of my story, I sallied forth into the cold cruel world in search of a holiday head adornment of some kind.  (Oh, I forgot to mention that Kayla had expressed a preference for reindeer antlers – I admit my self-control broke just a tad as I told her that I would look for reindeer antlers but if all I could find was a Santa hat, then a Santa hat it would be.) 

I went to the local Hallmark store first.  (Don’t laugh; you’d be surprised at all the odds and ends those stores have tucked around them in addition to cards.)  They had Santa and Elf hats.  I probably would have bought one, but the hats said “Ho, ho, ho!” and sang “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” when you pressed a button, and Kayla has at least one hour of regular school today before they leave on the field trip.  My bet was that with a singing hat, she would be on four conduct numbers by 8:15, nixing both the field trip and her future membership in Purple Ambassadors, so I did what was best for her and let them go.  The clerk at Hallmark looked at me rather strangely when I asked if they had any hats that didn’t sing as if that were an odd request.  I guess I missed the fashion switch from non-talking to singing hats.

Winter Hats and Scarves

The same strip mall has a Goody’s that used to be a Peebles, so I went to it next.  That store had a few hats that, strangely enough, were designed to cover your head and keep it and your ears warm, but were not designed as holiday adornments, so that was a wash, too.  At least the hats didn’t sing!

Just when I was facing the inevitable conclusion that like it or not I was going to have to drive down to Wal-Mart, an angel whispered into my ear that perhaps I should look at the Dollar Tree store at the end of the strip mall that I never enter.  It was two shops away, so I decided to give it a whirl.  You can just imagine my delight when I saw, in a bin out front, headbands with reindeer antlers!  I snatched a pair up, went into the store to buy them and came out having accomplished my mission for the grand total of $1.09 (9 % sales tax here) and no trip to Wal-mart!  (Do I hear applause at this happy ending?)

Of course, the reindeer antlers have bells on them but nothing in this imperfect world is perfect!  (If you do not have children, please consult with the parent next to you as to why the bells are problematic!)

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Posted in Just stuff..., working mom

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Our Day in the Smokies

Posted on December 1, 2011 | 12 comments

Good morning everyone!

Mountain View

Mark, Kayla and I went to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg over the Thanksgiving weekend and as always had a great time.  It has become a family tradition for us to spend at least one day in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park and this year was no exception. 

The first year we did this, we drove around Cades Cove, stopping at all of the houses along the way, the second year we walked to Laurel Falls and back and took Tyra and Mandy for a walk at one of the only two trails open to dogs, and then last year we went around one of the park’s motor nature trails. 

Evergreens of Some Kind

This year, we decided that we wanted to go for an easy hike, and then drive over the mountains from Tennessee into North Carolina. 

Mark and Kayla together on a mountain overlook

We stopped at the Sugarlands Visitor Center to get some advice.  We asked the ranger behind the counter to recommend an easy walk that wasn’t too very crowded.  (Laurel Falls is classified as an easy walk, but the two times we’ve been it has been packed with people.)  She recommended we try the Alum Cave Bluffs trail, so we drove over toward the trailhead, about 15 minutes away, to find the road around the trail head lined bumper to bumper with parked cars empty of people who were at that moment trekking up the Alum Cave Bluffs trail. 

Kayla and I at an Overlook

We decided thanks, but no thanks, so we continued on our drive up the mountain and stopped at a couple of overlooks to take some pictures.  I love the Smoky Mountains; winter, spring, summer or fall, they are always beautiful!

Kayla on the walkway in front of the parking lot

As we wound our way up the mountain, we came across the Newfound Gap Overlook, so we stopped there to see what we could see.  Kayla found a little walking path along the front ridge of the parking lot, so she walked along that for a little while as we followed her up top.

The View from Newfound Gap

Then we climbed to the overlook itself (just a few steps) for a stunning view. 

Mark and Kayla at the Newfound Gap Overlook

As we came down from the overlook, we noticed a trail heading off beside it with the following sign.

We decide to go on a hike.

So we decided to walk that way for a while.  I’ll leave it to you to decide which trail we were shooting for. 

A sprawling root system on the side of the trail

It didn’t take too very long on the trial before I realized that everything on this trail was up.  No down.  None at all.  And I detest Stairmasters!  Still, I am willing to put up with a lot in order to get outdoors for a while and find somewhere where you can get away from the sounds of modern civilization, so we persevered. 

The Trail

Really!

 Kayla appointed herself tour guide, and selected two twigs as weapons to protect us from bears and snakes.  She was a little crestfallen when she learned she had to leave the twigs at the trail and couldn’t take them home with her, but I explained that there was a huge fine for taking anything from the park and that if everyone who came there took away a twig, there wouldn’t be any twigs left, so she understood that a little bit better.

Our Fearless Protector and Tour Guide

We were about halfway up by this time, and I was winded.  I told Kayla that her best bet if a bear came after us was for her and Mark to leave me for the bear and run on ahead.  She instead showed me her best karate moves with the twig.

The View from the trail

We stopped a couple of times on the way up just to admire the views and listen to the sound of the wind around us, and the leaves rattling on the trees. 

Trail View - the Side of the Mountain

And next on our tour –

And next on our tour -

Waiting on parents again…

When we finally reached the part of the trail where it looked like it was going to start heading down again, we decided to stop and go back.  Neither Mark nor I wanted to walk up more than once if we could help it. 

Really, I"m having fun - how much longer?

Kayla studied the best way to get down the rocks.

Kayla studies a way to get over the rocks on the trail.

Carefully, she climbed down.

Carefully Climbing Down

Once we finished with the trail, Mark stopped and took our picture at the Tennessee/North Carolina state line.  Kayla and I held hands across the sign, so one of us was in one state and one was in the other state.  Not very original, perhaps, but fun!

One Family - Two States

We reached Cherokee, North Carolina in a little while and started looking for somewhere to have lunch.  We had a moment where all three of us wondered if we had suddenly become dyslexic as we rounded a corner and saw a sign in front of what was obviously a school building that none of us could read – until we figured out that the sign was written in Cherokee.  (We catch on eventually!).  We found a breakfast/lunch place within 10 minutes of closing, and ate there, then headed back over the mountain, still enjoying the scenery. 

A close-up of me on the trail

Our final view of the Great Smoky Mountain National Park that day was a modern contradiction – two hikers were trudging down the mountain with heavy backpacks on their shoulders, obviously having finished a wilderness trek of some length.  One of them was talking on his cell phone.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Posted in Travel, working mom

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Rules I Never Thought I’d Need – The Extended Cut

Posted on November 25, 2011 | 8 comments

Good morning everyone!

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!  Back in March, some of you found this blog when I published a post called “Rules I Never Thought I’d Need” but some of you joined me afterwards.  Since March, I’ve been able to add a few more to the list, so I am republishing the list with my additions.  I hope you enjoy it as much as you did the first time!

Just for grins and giggles, I am going to go in reverse order.

1) Do not squirt the ink out of a ballpoint pen in the bathroom and mix it with water in order to make ink “like Harry Potter uses.”  (Age 10).

2) Do not lose control of the ballpoint pen and ink during the squirting process, spraying black ink all over the bathroom.  (Age 10).

3) If you do spray black ink all over the bathroom, do not fail to call in reinforcements immediately.  (Age 10).

4) Do not bring lady bugs, worms, crickets, roly-poly’s, moths, butterflies, lizards or any other type of insect or reptile  into the house as pets.  (Ages 5-10 and counting.)

5) Mom is the spider killing expert, but roaches need to be handled by Dad.

6)  When your mother who is recovering from surgery tells you she has to take a nap, gives you the run of the house and the back yard with the sole restriction being do not go out the front door until she is awake, do not lock the dogs in the back yard, and play with your friends for two hours with the front door open, you on the inside side of the door and your friends on the outside side of the door.  (Age 10).

7) Do not jam your elbow into a plastic hurricane glass until it gets stuck in an effort to keep the infinitesimal scratch on your elbow from getting wet in the bath and stinging.  (Age 9).

8 )  Do not feed paper to the dogs as a treat.  At least two of the three are dumb enough to believe you.  (Age 10).

9)  Soap is required for a bath to really be a bath.  (Age 5).

10)  Do not wash your hair with conditioner only.  (Age 8 through 9).

11) It’s not a good idea to fill the bathroom sink with Dixie cups and then fill it with water.  (Age  6 but she had help from a visiting 4-year-old.)

12)   Do not dump the entire bottle of shampoo in the tub to use as bubble bath.  (Ages 6 through 8).

13) Do not dump the entire bottle of liquid soap from the sink in the tub to use as bubble bath.   (Ages 6 through 8).

14) Do not dump the entire bottle of conditioner in the tub for reasons I have yet to understand.   (Ages 6 through 8).

15)  Do not drag a dog into the bathtub with you.   (Age 6).

16) The controls on the dashboard in the car,  including the radio, are MINE!  Please leave them alone.  (Ages 4 to 10 and counting).

17)  Do not try to pierce your ears with the end of a paper clip, even if it looks like an earring hole is there.  (Age 6 and 7).

18)  Do not cook eggs on the stove without a parent’s presence and permission.   (About age 7:  this one is harder to justify because the one time that she did cook the eggs by herself, she did a good job and remembered to turn the stove off, which is more than I do sometimes!)

19) Do not cut the screen out of its frame in the window.  (Age 5).

20)  Do not put anything in your ear, including rocks, without consulting an adult first.  (Age 4.)

21) Do not put anything in your nose, including wooden sticks, without consulting an adult first.   (Age 4)

22) Which led to:  Do not put anything in any body part for any reason unless a parent says it is okay, with the exception of food or drink in your mouth.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy

8 Comments

Posted in Child's Play, When things don't go as expected, working mom

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A Highly Biased History of Bowling, Part II

Posted on November 23, 2011 | 6 comments

Good morning everyone!

Today we are going to pick up the threads of the Ugg Clan’s history.  As you may, or may not, remember, in September we discussed Ugg the First’s invention of bowling.  (See, A Highly Biased History of Bowling.  For those of you who don’t remember the first appearance of Ugg and Uggette on this blog, please look at A Highly Biased History of Washing Machines.)

Alleytiri's Lost Bowling Set

We will pick up the threads of the story many generations down the road, with a member of the Ugg clan who had migrated to Egypt.  Ugghotep had a baby girl, Alleytiri, who was the apple of his eye.  (I should explain that the best historical records we can find indicate that early on, the Clan of Ugg was united by marriage with the Clan of Alley.)  As the oldest son in that generation of the Ugg clan, Ugghotep had inherited the original bowling stone Ugg had used, although by this time it was much smaller and smoother, having been worn down through the ages by so much use.  Since trying to bowl down Alleytiri was unthinkable, and with only one child would have been really boring anyhow, he invented a series of blocks that he and Alleytiri could bowl down together.  Unfortunately, as all children do from time to time, Alleytiri managed to lose the ball and pins, and they were found centuries later by archeologists.  This set of a round ball and pins is considered to be one of the oldest bowling type artifacts ever found.

King Edward III

We will lightly skip ahead in history to the mid-1300’s in England, when Sir Alley Ugg of  Diffing Green couldn’t help but notice that time was hanging too heavily on his archer’s hands, when arrows started appearing through the flags flying off the roof of the castle (not to mention the one that went through Lady Uggette’s of Diffing Green’s skirt on her way to church – it was shot by a particularly bad archer) and so introduced his family’s game to his archers.  The game quickly grew in popularity, and spread to other parts of the country, to the point where King Edward III banned bowling because his archers were spending too much time bowling and not enough time practicing archery.

King Henry VII on horseback, chasing after a stray ball rolled by one of his ladyfriends

A few hundred years later, though, it is reported that Lord Ugg Oop of Diffingshire (Diffingshire included the original lands of Diffing Green) introduced Henry VIII to the sport of bowling where it became very popular in King Henry’s court and thence throughout England.

Nine Pin Bowling Set

Eventually members of the Ugg-Oop clan emigrated to America, where unfortunately some of them slipped closer to the wrong side of the law.  Ugg Oopone, one of the seedier members of the family, saw a ….. ummmm… “business”  opportunity in the game of bowling, and set up a parlor in New York where people could bowl with nine-pins, and bet on the results.  This activity spread outward to places like Connecticut, which eventually banned nine-pin bowling because of the gambling problem.

A Modern Bowling Alley in Bowling Green, Ohio. Not owned by the Uggs of Bowling Green, Kentucky.

However, more reputable members of the family from Kentucky (where did you think Bowling Green got its name?) decided to use ten pins and reestablished the game as a more family friendly activity.

Pin Boys in Brooklyn

In the 1950’s, Oop Ugg Smith was working as a pin setter in his father’s bowling alley.  After a close call involving an airborne bowling ball and an argument between a husband and wife patron, his enthusiasm for the game dimmed.  Still, he didn’t want to leave his father in the lurch, so turning his very talented mechanical mind to the problem, he, along with his friend Gottfried Schmidt,  invented the pin-setter.  Gottfried, with Oop Ugg’s blessing, later patented the invention and sold the rights to the patent to the American Machine and Foundry Company (now AMF), which at that time was a maker of machinery for tobacco, apparel and bakery businesses.  Now, AMF Bowling Centers, Inc. is the world’s largest owner and operator of bowling centers.

Pinsetter patent excerpt

Although Oop Ugg Smith never came back to the game after his narrow escape, his children learned to love the game from their grandfather, and one of Oop Ugg Smith’s grandchildren, Alley Uggette Smith, loved the game like none of the Ugg clan had ever loved it before.  There was only one problem – Alley Uggette simply could not bowl.  No matter how hard she tried, her balls continually veered right or left in time to reach the gutter.  However, being as mechanically minded as her storied grandfather, Alley Uggette studied the problem carefully and came up with what I consider to be the greatest of all bowling inventions (because without it, I too would bowl only gutter balls), the GUTTER GUARD!!!!!  After that, Alley Uggette could bowl with the best of them; in fact, she became the expert on using a ricochet off the gutter guard at high-speed in order to conquer that most awkward of all bowling set-ups, the split.

Bowling Lane with Gutter Guards Up

And with the gutter guard, and the split, we have come full circle in the history of bowling.  You may not remember from the first post, but the first turn in bowling history by Ugg the First resulted in a split, with the smaller children scattering to avoid the ball, but the oldest two standing tall and firm.

Until the next time  we have a chance to explore the history of the Ugg clan, or until I think of something else to write about, have a great day everyone!

Nancy

6 Comments

Posted in Child's Play, Just stuff..., working mom

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Say What???

Posted on November 21, 2011 | 10 comments

Good morning everyone!

I love WordPress.  I really do; in fact, I love it so much that when I started my second blog, The Football Novice, I didn’t consider using any other software, but immediately went to its sister site, WordPress.org. 

However, every once in a while, usually after I insert a picture, it gets temperamental.  Not a full-grown fit, mind you, just pouting, doing things like not letting me post two pictures in a row without a line of text in between , or changing the font of my post without warning, then reverting to the original font after one paragraph. 

I have discovered through trial and error that the best way to try to fix those little irritating changes is to switch over to the HTML tab and see if anything looks unusual.  Well, actually, since all of the HTML code looks unusual to me, I look to see if anything looks more out-of-place than the rest of the HTML code listed there.  So last week, when my font changed for one paragraph after inserting a picture, and nothing I could do on my regular screen (the tab marked “visual” where my writing usually lives) worked, I bravely ventured forth into the world of code. 

There are a couple of basics to HTML code that I have figured out on my own.  Any HTML code will be written inside the greater and less than signs.  (“<>”).  Sometimes, inside the bracket there will be some kind of letters, or the “/” symbol and some kind of letters.  This is turning something on or off.  The one I recognize the most easily is <ul>, which turns underlining on, and </ul>, which turns underlining off.

The culprit last week appeared to be a code called <div>.  Not having a clue what that meant, I did what any reasonable person would do, and googled it.  The first site I found said the following:

The command encloses, defines and contains an HTML document division. In the Netscape browser it functions essentially the same as the <P> (paragraph) command. In the Internet Explorer browser it is designed to be used in conjunction with Style Sheets.

Of course!  Why didn’t I think of that?  Needless to say, that didn’t help me a lot.  However, I did find a web site that took pity on less technologically advanced folks (I am a wife, mother, dog owner, lawyer, writer and lots of other things, but NOT a software engineer!), and explained things in a much simpler manner.

If you need it, go to http://om4.com.au/client/html-for-bloggers/. OM4, according to its web page, is an Australian web site design and development company for small business.    Basically <div> on WordPress tells your blog page that you are changing to a different type of page/formatting.  Now that, I understood!  OM4 explains many other commands in that article as well. 

After getting rid of some <div> codes, my text was finally correct, and I could breathe easier, and publish my post.

Of course, there was always the option of posting it with the unintentional font change, which would have saved me a great deal of time, but the perfectionist in me just couldn’t handle it!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

10 Comments

Posted in Technology, working mom, Writing

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New Math: 3 Equals 1, 1 Equals 2

Posted on November 17, 2011 | 11 comments

Good morning everyone!

Today, we are going to explore the mysteries of new math, as discovered by Kayla and me.

  • 3 equals 1

About three months ago, someone (we don’t know if it was Mark, Kayla or me, since each of us refuses to claim responsibility) grabbed a large container of individual chip bags at the grocery store.  This is not unusual for us, as the chips make great snacks to send to school – the teachers have sent home notes requiring the students’ snacks to be dry snacks, and you can’t really get much drier than chips.  What was unusual, however, is that whoever grabbed the bag didn’t grab a bag of traditional flavors, but by mistake picked up “Bold, Spicy Flavors”.  Kayla doesn’t like any flavors contained in the “Bold, Spicy Bag” and neither do Mark or I, so it has taken a long time for us to work our way through that set of chip bags, expecially since someone – no names, but her initials are M-O-M – took pity on Kayla  and has supplemented the Bold and Spicy pack with regular flavored chip bags all school year.

Recently, though, the bold and spicy chip bags started disappearing, fast – so fast that the only bag of chips left in the house Monday was “Hot Spicy Nacho Doritos.”  I mentioned this to Kayla, explaining that the Hot Spicy Nacho  flavor was all we had. 

Kayla said, “That’s okay. I trade them with my friends.”  When I asked how and for what, she told me that she traded three bags of bold and spicy chips of various kinds for one bag of dill pickle chips.  So, in the local elementary school’s fourth grade barter system,  three bags of chips do equal one.

  • 1 Equals 2

I walked into Pizza Hut Tuesday with some trepidation.  In fact, I made sure before I left work for lunch  that someone would be manning the phones in case I ended up somewhere where one phone call is a constitutional right.  The reason?
I ate at Pizza Hut Monday, also, and had the buffet.  I took my computer in with me and did some work on a project.  Even after I finished eating, I concentrated on my project, comfortably tucked in my booth.  Of course, eventually, I had to go back to work, so I scooped up my computer and headed to the car.

It wasn’t until Tuesday morning at 10 that I realized that I had left Pizza Hut on Monday without paying for my meal.  I had no choice but to go back to Pizza Hut on Tuesday to pay for Monday’s meal, even though I wasn’t at all sure how understanding they were going to be about my lapse of memory.  (It’s almost as bad as the time I paid for my meal at Zaxby’s, got my drink, and drove off without my food, except that day it only took me one block to realize what I had forgotten.)  For time reasons, since I had to go to Pizza Hut anyhow, I was going to have to eat there again, and the buffet is the best deal they have.

When I entered Pizza Hut, I was relieved to see that a different waitress was there, so I wasn’t immediately identified when I walked through the door.  I also took a deep breath of relief when I saw that the police were not waiting for me.  I put my computer in the booth I was sent to, sidled over to the cash register and shamefacedly explained that even though I was only having one buffet that day, I was going to have to pay for two.  The cashier was gracious; she said with a smile, “I saw you leave yesterday, but I just figured you were in a hurry to get somewhere.”  I, on the other hand, have rarely been so embarrassed in my life.

It goes without saying that I paid for Tuesday’s buffet in advance. 

So now you know how I discovered that 1 equals 2.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Not Again! (a/k/a Time Change)

Posted on November 4, 2011 | 10 comments

Good morning Everyone!

As I am sitting here writing, listening to Tyra bark softly outside because she is ready to come back in, I am looking outside and noticing that it has gotten to where it is dark in the morning now for quite a while after we get up.  From the fall equinox until the start of winter in December, here in Alabama we lose about one to three minutes of sunlight a day, which doesn’t seem like much, but slowly adds up.  Fortunately, we still have some vestiges of light once I start home from work, which I do enjoy.  That’s all about to change.

Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend, which  means that here in the United States most of us will be moving our clocks back one hour.  This is annoying, because for at least a week I will be looking at clocks calculating  “If it is one p.m. now, last week it would have been 2:00 p.m.”  (I never said I was a particularly deep thinker!)

Daylight Savings Time is one of those really stupid strange inventions I don’t understand.  I know the reason Congress started it (in World War II, no less) was to help save energy, but has anyone really done a study to see how much energy it saves?  It seems that the energy we save by lopping off one hour in the spring should be equalled by the energy we use when we add that hour back in the fall.  I think it was Dave Barry who said something like “Try as you will, you can come up with no logical explanation for Daylight Savings Time.”  My favorite description of it, and I’m not sure whether it was by Will Rogers or O. Henry or someone else, is the comparison of it between a blanket where someone cuts off one foot from the bottom of the blanket to add one foot to the top so it will cover their head!  I really think we should just do away with it – I don’t really care whether we keep summer hours or winter hours, I just wish we’d stick with one or the other.

One of the most amusing things to do on the spring end of Daylight Savings Time is to park outside the day care of your choice and watch the kids as they enter on the first Monday after it begins.  The kids don’t care what the adults told them, they know that something about the time is not right, and it is a sleepy passel of young ‘uns that pass through the day care portals on that day.  (I suspect the adults are sleepy too; we’re just better at hiding it! )

I do like getting the one extra hour back this weekend, although each year it seems like the extra hour slides by without any special recognition.  That’s probably because I spend it sleeping, one way or another.

I am grateful to the person who invented the memory aid “Spring forward, Fall back.”  Without it, I wouldn’t ever remember which way to turn – uh, the clock, I mean!

Have a great weekend folks!

Nancy

P.S.  For a while, Indiana and Arizona (I think) refused to recognize Daylight Savings Time.  Does anyone know if they still do, or if there are any other states/regions out there that have decided to march to the beat of a different drummer?  Kudos to them, whoever they are!

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Posted in Just stuff..., On the Home Front

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The Vegetarian, Veterinarian Veteran

Posted on November 3, 2011 | 12 comments

Good morning Everyone!

The following conversation took place between Mark, Kayla and I as we were headed into choir last night.

Veterinarian

Kayla:  Mom, some of the kids are saying we’re off next week.

Mom:  No, just Friday for Veteran’s Day.

Kayla:  Veterinarian’s Day is Wednesday, November 9.  We are singing that day.

Mom:  Veteran’s Day, dear, and it’s November 11.  You’re just singing Wednesday because you’re off on the 11th.  Do you know what a veteran is?

Kayla, dismissing the question with a wave:  Yes, they’re someone who served in the military.

Kayla, moving forward to essentials:  We’re singing the Army-Navy song, My Country ‘Tis of Thee and This Land is My Land.  Do you know that song?

Mom, looking over at Dad, who hates “This Land is My Land”: Yes, we know that song.

Kayla:  Did you know that Veterinarian’s Day is the day after my birthday?

Dad:  (Ignoring the temporal inaccuracies of the previous statement): Veteran’s Day.

Kayla:  Veteran’s Day.

Mom:  Do you know what a veterinarian is?

Kayla, scornfully:  Of course I do.  They’re the ones that only eat vegetables.

Mom, hastily smothering a laugh:  No, those people are vegetarians.  A veterinarian treats animals.  That’s different.

Dad:  Unless you have a veterinarian who is a vegetarian veteran….

The lady walking into church in front of us started to laugh.  She probably thought we were crazy, but then again, that’s what keeps us sane!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Posted in Out of the mouths of babes...., working mom

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The Many Dilemmas of Candy Season

Posted on November 2, 2011 | 10 comments

Good morning Everyone!

Halloween marks the official start of  “Candy Season.”  Candy Season runs from October 31 (Halloween) until Easter Sunday every year, and I have a love/hate relationship with it.

Granted, I like candy (at least chocolate candy) as much as the next person, but for the five or six months between Halloween and Easter  we are inundated with it.  It seems to be a required part of almost every celebration during the next five or six months – except for Thanksgiving, but even then, pie or cake of some kind is required.

Certain ethical questions impose themselves upon the arrival of Candy Season – is it really evil to go through your child’s Halloween candy and pick out all of the Three Musketeers and Hershey bars and eat them before she can?  Surely it can’t be that bad!  Besides, what else would I do with the extra hour between her bedtime and mine?  Does Kayla really need the entire chocolate Santa that appeared in her stocking or chocolate bunny that appeared in her Easter basket?  Aren’t I really doing her a favor, saving her all those extra calories and at least one sugar rush if I go ahead and eat at least part of it?

There is an internal struggle to Candy Season as well.  This conversation occurs more often than I would care to admit.

Sweet Tooth Self:  Did you know there is candy in the house?

Healthy Self:  You don’t need candy.  Have an apple.

Sweet Tooth Self:  Did you know there is candy in the house?

Healthy Self:  Well, it’s not chocolate; you know you don’t like any of those other kinds of candy.  Have an apple.

Sweet Tooth Self:  There is to chocolate.  I buried it in the bottom of the candy jar so Kayla and Mark wouldn’t find it.

Healthy Self:  That was last month, and you have pretty well demolished all of that chocolate you put back.  Besides, they’re getting suspicious – it’s hard for them to miss the fact that they haven’t been able to find any chocolate since before Halloween.  Have an apple.

Sweet Tooth Self:  I’ll show you!  (Proceeds to candy dish).  See, I told you there was a mini-Snickers bar left in there!

Healthy Self:  Show off!  Have an apple.

Sweet Tooth Self:  But that’s a mini-Snickers bar!

Healthy Self:  Well, we are supposed to have nuts as part of a healthy diet….

Sweet Tooth Self:  I told you!

Healthy Self:  Eat it quickly.  Then we’ll give Kayla the apple.  We want to keep her  healthy, after all!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

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Posted in On the Home Front, working mom

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