Category Archives: Child’s Play

Snit Fits, Melt Downs & Cross-Examination


Good morning Everyone!

Our school system decided that the students would make up one of the many days missed because of weather electronically.  Each teacher put a special assignment up on the EdModo website.  Students have to turn them in today, April 30.

As you can guess, Kayla still had assignments to finish up last night.  When I got home from work, she was wandering around in the kitchen, where she airily informed me that she was going to do some cooking before she did her assignments.  I nixed that idea and told her she couldn’t do anything until after she finished her Edmodo assignments.  Snit fit #1.

30 minutes post snit fit #1, she informed me that she was done.  I checked the (single) assignment for completeness.   Cross-examination #1 established that there were other class assignments out there, leading directly to snit fit#2 which resulted in her being sent to her room to complete her math EdModo quiz.  After she reached her room, but before she could start her quiz, we achieved obligatory math melt down #1.

30 minutes letter, after math melt down #2 in the middle of the quiz, Kayla submitted the quiz answers on-line, and then started wandering around the house again aimlessly.  This behavior led to the simultaneous appearances of cross-examination #2, snit fit #3 and paternal parental lecture #1, the upshot of which was a telephone call by Kayla to a friend to obtain the vocabulary words she was supposed to define and use in a sentence.

Once completion of the vocabulary words was verified, Kayla again announced that she was done.  Cross-examination #3 and #4 (please insert paternal parental lecture #2 here) discovered that there was one assignment left to complete – a timed quiz that Kayla had accidentally opened days ago and now could not complete because the 60 second quiz had timed out somewhere around 190 hours, which led to snit fit# 4, melt down #2, paternal parental lecture #3 and bed time.  Maternal melt-down #1 was allowed to commence thereafter.

Have a great day!

Nancy

The First Trip to the Beach, 2014


Good morning, Everyone!

We went to Panama City Beach for the weekend using a Groupon for the Edgewater Beach Condominiums.  While we were hoping for good beach weather, and were led on by the various forecasts we observed until we passed the cancellation date, we ended up with cloudy skies, a brisk wind and a high of 69.

However, it was the beach, so we managed to have fun anyhow.  We had invited a friend of Kayla’s to go with us, so Kayla was happy from the beginning.  She loves having a buddy with her!

We got a late start on Saturday.  For some strange reason, the two girls, ages 11 and 12, weren’t exactly eager to get up in the morning – I think it had something to do with the talking and giggling that occurred once we finally made it to the condo Friday night and after Mark and I went to bed.  Once the two girls had showered and done their hair (here you can add another hour!), we went to Another Broken Egg Cafe which has fabulous brunch dishes.  After that, we decided to go shopping at Pier Park.  I gave each of the girls a little spending money, and had the best time watching them shop.  They would enter a store and just start wandering through the racks.  They would then find something they liked, check the price and then decide whether they could afford it, and, the more difficult decision, whether the item was something they wanted enough to spend their money on.  Kayla’s comments on the prices of things were pretty funny, as were her comments on the multitude of T-shirts whose messages she found offensive in a few stores.  Miss Priss announced that there was no point in buying a T-shirt that you couldn’t wear to school!  I agree with her, but would get embarrassed when she would point to a T-shirt and talk at the top of her voice about how inappropriate it was.

Kayla was also afraid to buy anything because there might be something else farther down the line that she would want more.  She agonized over the Vera Bradley purses (until she found out what they cost!), over these hair twister plastic thingies that would have cost her $30 for 4 (essentially all of her money), and several other items.  She finally decided on a souvenir cup from the retail shop at Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville Restaurant, and it took all of the sales person’s helpful comments about the lifetime warranty on the cup to for her to keep her resolve.

On the way into the shopping center, we had gone by a kiosk where a man was selling children the opportunity to jump up and down on a trampoline-like thing with harnesses and bungee cords that would let them reach much higher heights than normal.  With the unerring eyes that children have for such things, Kayla saw it on our way in and kept commenting on how much she wanted to “bungee jump.”  Mark hadn’t seen the trampoline outfit, and thought that Kayla was talking about bungee jumping for real, so he was getting very aggravated because he knew that there was no way that she would climb up a high tower and then jump so she could be bounced up and down on an elastic cord.  The situation was not improved by Kayla’s mentioning bungee jumping every 5 minutes or so.  However, as her friend observed, at least it had taken her mind off going to the beach, which had been mentioned every five minutes or so until Kayla saw the trampoline.

Once Mark and Kayla  finally got the resulting word tangle smoothed out, Kayla and her friend got to jump on the trampoline – $10 a child for four minutes of jumping.  I think the kiosk person should have given us a discount – he had no-one waiting to do the jumping until my two girls started, after which he had a line about three families deep.

We returned to the hotel room, where both girls insisted on at least going to the pool.  The pool immediately behind our unit was large, beautifully landscaped and not heated.  They both said that was the one they wanted to try first.  I told them to go on to the pool and try dabbling their feet or their arms in the water until I got back with the towels from the car and let me know when I got back if they still wanted to stay in that pool, or instead find a heated one.

It took much less time than I expected.  They greeted me at the door leading to the unheated lagoon pool expressing a decided preference for the heated pool.  It was only behind the next tower, so it wasn’t far.

The heated pool was a big success with them! I sat pool-side and read while they played.  Late, late in the afternoon, the sun burst through the clouds for just a little while, and they both begged to go to the beach.  We only had about a half hour left anyhow before we had to return to the room, so I took them on down.  My child’s friend tried the water at various depths, announced it was too cold, and returned to play on the beach but not in the water.  Kayla kept insisting the water wasn’t that cold and spent about 20 minutes in it, after which she too finally came out.  She said you got used to the water after a while; I’m convinced that her legs just went numb from the cold.

We finished our night with a wonderful dinner at Captain Anderson’s, a fabulous restaurant, and mini-golf, which was a  lot of fun.

We had to get up early the next morning in order to return home, so we sent the girls to bed about nine.  I’m fairly certain they didn’t sleep until a long time after that, but at least we tried.  They spent a fair amount of time sacked out in the car as we drove home.

The forecast for Sunday, when we had to leave by 7,was, of course, sunny and 75.  It looked like Panama City Beach was going to reach that and more when we left.

I hope all of you had a Happy Easter!  Have a great day!

Nancy

A Capable Child


Good morning Everyone!

Yesterday, I showed you what had happened to the connecting road outside our neighborhood on Monday due to the heavy rain.

Road Washout

Width and Depth View of Washout

What I didn’t mention was the havoc the heavy rain caused in the school bus pick-up schedule.  School opened at 10 on Monday due to the rain, so when the bus didn’t pick Kayla up, I didn’t think too much about it.  I just figured it got held up by standing water somewhere, although I did think it a little strange when we pulled up to the school and the bus that should have picked her up was also unloading students.

School Bus

School Bus
Photo Credit: http://www.clickartonline.com

On Tuesday, however, when the bus didn’t show, I told Kayla I would call the transportation office after I finished an appointment I had in a city about an hour away.  Imagine my surprise, then, when I received a call from the Director of Transportation for the school district about an hour later (apparently out of the blue) telling me that he had thought our road was closed for access as well as the road where the culvert was and the bus would be sure to pick Kayla up on Wednesday!

Surprised

Surprised!
Photo Credit: http://www.clickartonline.com

If you have been around offices of any kind, you will know that the person to go to when you want something done is the secretary that has been there the longest.  That person always knows how to go about things.  Apparently my child has figured that out instinctively.

School secretary

The Person Who Gets Things Done!
Photo Credit: http://www.clickartonline.com

Whether she thought I would forget to call due to my absent-mindedness, or she just happened to have the opportunity to stop by the school office that morning, Kayla told the school secretary – the one that checks people in when they’re late – that the bus had not picked her up for the past two days.   The school secretary called the transportation director, who investigated and called me.

The bus was there five minutes early the next day.  Maybe I should have Kayla handle all of my scheduling issues!

Have a great day!

Nancy

The Best Diet Plan Ever!


Good morning Everyone!

Quite by accident, I have discovered the single greatest diet plan ever – even better than the 1 to 4 ratio imposed on anything that we eat around here that the dogs feel they should get a part of  (one bite me, three bites dogs!).

Clip Art Illustration of a Silhouette of a Woman Holding Her Wai

The Best Diet Plan Ever!
PhotoCredit: http://www.clickartonline.com

You need two ingredients:

1) Food in the house;

2) A 12-year-old girl.

A dill pickle

A Dill Pickle

Kayla started riding the bus to and from school a couple of weeks ago, which leaves her with a short period of time during which she is free to raid cupboards and the refrigerator to her heart’s content.  While Mark had already reconciled himself to the fact that he will never have a pickle he can eat at the house until Kayla goes to college, and I was already checking whether we needed peanut butter at least twice as often as I used to, we didn’t really expect that everything sweet in the house (except for the box of HoneySmacks I have hidden on the top shelf of the pantry behind the bread maker so Mark will have something – shhhh!) would be gone each week by Tuesday.  By Wednesday, fruit, apple sauce, peas, stew and vegetable beef soup have managed to disappear.  I suspect by Friday, we will be down to bread and water.

empty refrigerator

Looking for Something to Eat!
Photo Credit: http://www.clickartonline.com

The start-up costs for this diet were pretty low, since we had all the ingredients to hand, but I suspect that the long-term costs may end up being astronomical.  At least until Kayla graduates college and enters into a profession that will enable her to support Mark and I in the lifestyle to which we desire to become accustomed!

Have a great day!

Nancy

Labor Relations


Good morning Everyone!

I have a friend who works for an employment agency, and I mentioned to Mark that in the last two months, my friend has come across more jobs requiring experience in labor relations than ever before. Kayla was listening and suddenly became very still. Then she said, “That’s weird! Why would someone have to prove they can deliver a baby before they can get hired?”

Top of the morning to you Irish men and Irish women out there (of which I am one!) and have a great day!

Nancy

The Warranty, Please


Good morning Everyone!

Since all three of us need them, glasses are important objects in this house and a trip to purchase them a major event.

Our favorite place to purchase glasses is LensCrafters in Montgomery.  It has an independent optometrist’s office on the premises, owned by Dr. Goodman, who has seen to Mark’s and my eye care for more years than I care to count and who added Kayla to his list of patients about three years ago.  Mark and I once went to another company  and optometrist to get our glasses, but we weren’t happy with the results – neither one of us felt like our eyeglasses were working the way they should that time – so the next visit saw us back at LensCrafters.

Tyra never chewed glasses

Photo Credit: Me!
Tyra never chewed glasses in her life; I just felt that she deserved to have her picture in the blog post.

One of the reasons we like LensCrafters is their extended warranty.  The warranty provides coverage for everything that can happen to a pair of glasses except for being lost with only a $25 deductible.  (Even those of us whose mental math abilities are hampered can recognize that $25 is much less then the cost of even one lens.)  And in our family, if it can happen to a pair of glasses, it probably will.

Kayla's first set of glasses before the dogs ate them

Photo Credit: Me!
Kayla’s first set of glasses last year.

Kayla’s glasses lasted under a week before they needed to be replaced – she left them on the coffee table one day rather than wearing them.  (To be fair, she left them in the same spot Mark leaves his when he is not wearing them; the only difference is that he never leaves his unattended.)  When we got home that day, we found that Mandy or Darwin or both had thoughtfully tried to redesign the frames and the lens by chewing them.

Mandy and Darwin rest from their labors

Photo Credit: Me!
Darwin and Mandy rest from their labors.

This had happened to her first ever pair of glasses, too.  One trip to Montgomery, $25 and four hours later, she was back up and running.

Glasses Second Pair 2013

Photo Credit: Me!
Kayla’s Second Pair of Glasses

My glasses lasted through the middle of February until they slipped off my night table at night and hit the floor, lens down.  When I picked them back up again, the floor had scored (pun intended) a fantastic scratch on the right lens.  We went Saturday to get the replacement lens ordered (my prescription needs to be ordered and then shipped; most prescriptions can be made in the store’s own lab), tendered our $25, and in 8 to 10 day business days, my glasses will be blemish free yet again.

Glass scratch for blog

My Scratched Lens

So when next you decide to get glasses, let me humbly suggest that purchasing THIS  extended warranty, unlike so many others, is well worth your money if you have 1) children, 2) dogs or 3) a mysterious wooden floor that shouldn’t scratch glass but did!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

P.S.  I was NOT paid or requested to do this post by anyone.

Adages that Aren’t plus Other News


Adage –  a proverb or short statement expressing a general truth

1)       Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.  – Not really; it just makes me sleepy.

together

From ClickArt Online, by Broderbund

2) Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. –  If we didn’t, how on earth could we ever buy a dozen eggs at the grocery store?

ConneryKilt

3) Handsome is as handsome does. – Nope.  By any standard of conduct, Pierce Brosnan, George Clooney and Sean Connery are handsome.

geese and gosling AJKoops

4) A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  – Not if you’re a birder seeking to win the big year, or participating in the World Series of Birding in New Jersey!

wkw011.jpg

5)  Out of sight, out of mind.  – Obviously, whoever made this one up never had a pressing problem to worry about.

Confusion

From Print Shop Professional 2.0

6)  There is no such thing as a stupid question. – Well, yes, yes there is.

United States coinage penny

7) A penny saved is a penny earned – unless you owe back taxes, then it is a penny paid to the government.

Prisoner Costume

8) Practice makes perfect. – No, imperfect practice perfects imperfection

Sticks and Stones:  From Clip-Art Online

Sticks and Stones: From Clip-Art Online

9)  Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.  – Really?  Wounds from sticks and stones heal relatively quickly but word wounds will sting for generations!

USDA Food Pyramid

10)  An apple a day keeps the doctor away.  Not according to the USDA food pyramid or plate or whatever it is they are using these days.

Newspaper, news, magnifying glass

Breaking News!

And in other news –

(Dedicated to the Jefferson Davis High School “get-by” class of 1986, working its way through to a new generation!)

The following conversation repeated verbatim from yesterday.

Mom, in response to an e-mail from a teacher:  Kayla, what is this about you not having your study sheet in social studies today?

Kayla:  Mom, she told us to take it home last night.

Mom:  So?

Kayla:  She didn’t tell us to take it back.

Mom:  Kayla, it’s implied!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy

Of Math and Cows


Hi Everyone!

We were driving somewhere the other day, and Kayla was in an exceptionally bouyant mood.

Distorted Numbers

We started the drive by giving her a surprise oral basic math facts quiz, which normally leads to tears and temper but which she cheerfully answered on this day.  I threw out lots of addition and multiplication questions, all of which Kayla got correct, then I abruptly changed stream and asked:  9-5.
Kayla’s response?  “Crap.”  (She immediatelty followed that up with the right answer, 4.)

cow

After a while, we also drove by a herd of cows, placidly grazing in a field.  Kayla’s observation?

“If I were a cow, I’d be the meanest cow ever.  You wouldn’t make bacon out of me!”

Fast Food Take Out

The funniest one, though, was last weekend when we were returning from a wedding in North Carolina and were looking for a fast food place to get breakfast.  For years, I would get biscuits from McDonald’s  but in the last few months, I have switched to a preference for cinnamon rolls from Burger King.  When Mark pointed out the McDonald’s, and I suggested we keep looking, Kayla, demonstrating her ever increasing grasp of our family’s gift of gentle satire, said sorrowfully from the back seat,  “Mom, I’m sorry about your relationship with McDonald’s.”  It made all of us laugh.

Have a good weekend!

Nancy

A Tadpole Tale


Good morning Everyone!

Kayla’s elementary school has a unique feature:  a rock garden pool.

Rock Garden 3

When we have a heavy rain the day before, the boundary of the pool slips ever so slightly out of its bounds onto the rocks as well, and then over the next day slowly recedes back into its normal boundaries.

Rock Garden 2

A couple of weeks ago, the water was receding over the rocks when Kayla and her friends discovered a swarm of tadpoles that were caught in a puddle on the rock and which would soon die.  Kayla collected empty water bottles from her friends, punched holes in the lids, filled the bottles with the pond water and proceeded to catch several tadpoles for each of her friends, including herself.  She told me her friends were calling her “The Tadpole Whisperer.”  She also presented me with the algae-and-tadpole ridden water bottle that was hers and informed me that she was going to take her six tadpoles and raise them into frogs.

Now, let’s back track just a minute.  As many of you may recall, we have three “inside” dogs:

Dog

Tyra

Mandy, awakens from a nap

Mandy

Dog, Labrador Retriever

Darwin

Ever since Dog #3 was admitted into our home, Kayla has been repeatedly told that we will have no other pets, not even a goldfish, entering the house.  (This wise rule has prevented sustained arguments over rabbits, gerbils, hamsters, ferrets, goldfish, aquariums, mice, baby squirrels, etc.)

When she presented the algae- and tadpole-ridden water bottle to me, I reminded her of this rule.  She informed me, absolutely seriously, that the no-pet rule didn’t count here because she would merely be fostering them until they turned into frogs.  Thinking that such a fine argument deserved at least a little credit, I told her she could bring the bottle home, but that she needed permission from both Mark and I to keep the tadpoles until they were frogs, and that I didn’t really think it was likely she’d be able to keep them.  (I also started doing a mental inventory in my mind of the multitude of aquarium-related equipment we’d need for this to be a success and decided that it was not going to be cost-effective, either.)

Rock Garden 1

Sure enough, once the tadpole bottle made it home and an inventory of the effort and effect of raising the six tadpoles was completed, Kayla was told that her tadpole project was a no-go and the tadpoles would have to be disposed of.

tadpole, bull frog

Bull frog Tadpole, Photograph from the U.S. Geological Survey and therefore part of the public domain

Kayla took it well and that was the end of it.

Or at least it should have been.  Now we come to the part that annoys me – I just couldn’t dump the tadpoles either down the toilet or onto the pavement. I just couldn’t.  Even though logic told me that 1) the tadpoles should have died on the rocks at the school anyhow , 2) even if they didn’t, the odds of any one of them living to be a frog were infinitely small and 3) if  they had been spiders or insects I would have stomped on them (or had Mark do so) without hesitation, I just couldn’t dump them out without at least a chance at life.  Nor could I just return them to the rock pool, since I gauged their chances of success there almost as slim as if I poured them out on the driveway.

Mark didn’t really understand it either, but since he loves me and Kayla he graciously gave us a couple of more days to allow me to have time, finally, on my lunch hour to carry the tadpoles to an offshoot of Lake Martin near our house where I could release them.

It is a testimony to Kayla’s skills as a tadpole catcher and feeder that all six of the little things were still alive when I released them in a quiet, warm, still section of the lake.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Another Rule I Never Thought I’d Need!


Hi Everyone!

I had hoped that by the time Kayla hit age 11, we would be evolving out of the stage where I continue to discover rules that I never thought I would need as a parent.  Apparently, that is not true.

Here is the new rule:

Do not use the barbecue lighter to burn an egg shell and paper together in your bedroom, even if you were impressed with the welding demonstration at the junior college the previous day.

Sigh.

Fortunately, it was not necessary to call the fire department, and nothing in the house was harmed.

Here is the original list.

1) Do not squirt the ink out of a ballpoint pen in the bathroom and mix it with water in order to make ink “like Harry Potter uses.”  (Age 10).

2) Do not lose control of the ballpoint pen and ink during the squirting process, spraying black ink all over the bathroom.  (Age 10).

3) If you do spray black ink all over the bathroom, do not fail to call in reinforcements immediately.  (Age 10).

4) Do not bring lady bugs, worms, crickets, roly-poly’s, moths, butterflies, lizards or any other type of insect or reptile  into the house as pets.  (Ages 5-10 and counting.)

5) Mom is the spider killing expert, but roaches need to be handled by Dad.

6)  When your mother who is recovering from surgery tells you she has to take a nap, gives you the run of the house and the back yard with the sole restriction being do not go out the front door until she is awake, do not lock the dogs in the back yard, and play with your friends for two hours with the front door open, you on the inside side of the door and your friends on the outside side of the door.  (Age 10).

7) Do not jam your elbow into a plastic hurricane glass until it gets stuck in an effort to keep the infinitesimal scratch on your elbow from getting wet in the bath and stinging.  (Age 9).

8 )  Do not feed paper to the dogs as a treat.  At least two of the three are dumb enough to believe you.  (Age 10).

9)  Soap is required for a bath to really be a bath.  (Age 5).

10)  Do not wash your hair with conditioner only.  (Age 8 through 9).

11) It’s not a good idea to fill the bathroom sink with Dixie cups and then fill it with water.  (Age  6 but she had help from a visiting 4-year-old.)

12)   Do not dump the entire bottle of shampoo in the tub to use as bubble bath.  (Ages 6 through 8).

13) Do not dump the entire bottle of liquid soap from the sink in the tub to use as bubble bath.   (Ages 6 through 8).

14) Do not dump the entire bottle of conditioner in the tub for reasons I have yet to understand.   (Ages 6 through 8).

15)  Do not drag a dog into the bathtub with you.   (Age 6).

16) The controls on the dashboard in the car,  including the radio, are MINE!  Please leave them alone.  (Ages 4 to 10 and counting).

17)  Do not try to pierce your ears with the end of a paper clip, even if it looks like an earring hole is there.  (Age 6 and 7).

18)  Do not cook eggs on the stove without a parent’s presence and permission.   (About age 7:  this one is harder to justify because the one time that she did cook the eggs by herself, she did a good job and remembered to turn the stove off, which is more than I do sometimes!)

19) Do not cut the screen out of its frame in the window.  (Age 5).

20)  Do not put anything in your ear, including rocks, without consulting an adult first.  (Age 4.)

21) Do not put anything in your nose, including wooden sticks, without consulting an adult first.   (Age 4)

22) Which led to:  Do not put anything in any body part for any reason unless a parent says it is okay, with the exception of food or drink in your mouth.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy