Tag Archives: daughter

A Stranger at a Strange Sport: In Which I Become Soccer Mom


Strange – 4.  Outside of one’s previous experience; hitherto unknown; unfamiliar…

Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, Random House, 2nd Ed. (2001)

Good Morning Everyone!

Our town’s Parks and Recreation Department supports a Fall soccer league.  Since Kayla has wanted to try soccer (football to those of you in parts outside of the United States) for years, and since this is the first year I have been able to arrange for her to make practices and games, I agreed to let her play.

fall

For someone who is attuned to the rhythms and rules of (American) football, the transition to soccer has not been easy.  I strongly suspect that I am not the only parent with a child in the league for the first time; at the first game, all of the parents sat fairly silent in their lawn chairs, almost like they were politely watching a tennis match.  I know what my problem was:  I didn’t know how to cheer or what positive encouragements to shout.

Applause, audience

Polite Applause

Don’t misunderstand me; I have the general idea that in soccer, the goal of one team is to kick the black and white ball into the soccer goal defended by the other team, but the rules are fairly foreign to me.  For example, during the second game (in which Kayla was assigned to play left forward), I kept yelling for Kayla to help defend her team’s goal, only to find out later from Kayla that a forward wasn’t allowed to go that far back.

soccer field

Soccer Field
from Print Shop Professional 3.0

Another mystery is exactly why the referee decides to blow his whistle sometimes, and not other times.  I understand the out-of-bounds call (although there are times when I don’t understand why he gave the ball to one particular team over another – I would have sworn the last person to touch the ball was on the team that got to throw it in), and the fact that the whistle will blow if one of the players touches the ball with their hands, except for the goalie.  But there are other times when the whistle blows for no discernible reason.

From Print Shop Professional 3.0

At one such whistle blow, a helpful parent explained to me that the penalty was “off-sides.”  When I asked what “off-sides” in soccer meant, she told me that the offense was not allowed to dribble the ball down the field to the defensive goal without the defense having a chance to catch up.  At least, that’s what I thought she said, but I may have completely misunderstood.  It seems a little unfair that the offense would have to wait for the defense to catch up before scoring; isn’t that why the goalie is there?

Game Official
From Print Shop Professional 3.0

When the ball is kicked from the corner of the goal box by (what I think is called) a fullback – one of the three players that don’t cross the center line and stay on defense all the time – versus when the goalie can either throw it out of the goal box or kick it out of the goal box is something else I have yet to understand.  I am about convinced that the referee reads tea leaves on the go in order to make that call, since I have yet to discern a pattern.

From Print Shop Professional 3.0

As far as penalty kicks are concerned, I am hopelessly confused.  I have seen the kids make several fine “run-in” tackles (where they run into each other) without a single whistle blow, and then other times when, to my inexperienced eyes, it looks like nothing wrong has happened, but  a whistle blows and a penalty kick is awarded (usually to the other team – or maybe my observations are a bit biased?)

Cheers
from Print Shop Professional 3.0

I have figured out the names of most of the kids on the team and have learned several decent ways of cheering – simple statements like “Good kick, _____” “Great hustle, ____!”, “Kayla, attack the ball!”, “Come on Green, let’s get the ball out of there” – that one is designed especially for the defense –  and “Great effort, ____!”.  In addition, any time Kayla does anything on the field that looks good to me, I pop out of my lawn chair like a crazy woman screaming at the top of my lungs, “Way to go, Kayla!”  Any time anyone on the team scores, I also leap out of my lawn chair, screaming something brilliantly original such as “Yea!”

Fall soccer season is short – our last games have to be played by October 15 – so I only have a few more games to try to decipher the rules.  If I don’t, then I am going to show up at spring soccer with my own, rigged tea leaves for the refs to use in making their calls – that way I can be sure that all of the calls are against the other team, not our team!  Because, at the end of the day, the only requirement to be a soccer mom is to have a child in soccer, and to cheer for her team.

Tea Leaves

Tea Leaves, Ready to be Rigged
from Print Shop Professional 3.0

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy

Rules I Never Thought I’d Need – An Addition


Good morning Everyone! 

I have a new rule to include with my parenting list of rules I never thought I’d need:

Do not blow-dry the dogs after they have been outside in the rain.

Image designed by me with clip-art from The Print Shop III.

We think Mandy will recover emotionally, given time.  She seems, however, to have acquired a newfound respect for even vacuum cleaners. 

Mandy

Go figure!

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Things that make me go hmmm….


Good morning Everyone!

Here are a few things that make me go  “hmmmm….” :

1)   “Mom, where is the screwdriver?”

Dog, eating, counter

2) Plates clinking mysteriously in the kitchen when Mark, Kayla and I are together in the den.

3)  Squirrels hopping aimlessly in the center of the road after I screech my car to a full stop to keep from hitting them.

4) My dogs playing the “barking” game every time I pick up the phone.

5)  The following dialogue:

From the other room:  Bang, squeak, Bang, BANG!  
Me:  What are you doing? 
Kayla:  Nothing! 
 
 

6) Watching the Gecko, Flo and the Allstate mayhem guy and wondering exactly how far can each insurance company spin the campaign out?

7) The AFLAC Duck’s mysterious absence from the airwaves.

8)  For the past three months, the cashier announcing at the drive-thru at the local Burger King that the frozen coke machine is broken.  (I don’t know if I am more bemused by the fact that the thing has been broken for three months now and they are not fixing it or the fact that I am stupid enough to keep asking about it after three months.)

8) A local fast food burger joint running out of hamburger!

9) An Auburn University football season starting at 0-2.

10)  The chewed, now toeless sock sitting in the middle of the living room floor when I know for certain I safely locked all the socks away from the dogs only thirty minutes ago.

11) Political commercials.   Any of them.

12) Political commentary.  All of it.

13) The fact that I can’t make a comment about the Chick-Fil-A cows good or bad without the possibility that it will be construed as a political statement, good or bad.

14) The mysterious return of my soft pastels (a chalk-like type of painting substance) to my bedroom when they are supposed to be safely in the craft-room unused.

Have a great day!

Nancy

Random Thoughts, III


Good morning Everyone!

Sock

1) No matter what you do, your dog will never chew your least favorite pair of socks.

Dryers

2) The dryer won’t eat one, either.

line

3) So you think you see the end of the line at Disneyworld?  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

rain, umbrella

4) Best ways to make it rain:

a) Pay to get your car washed;

b) Plan an outdoor workday for yard work and painting;

c) Plan an extravagant outdoor event with no alternative indoor venue.

5) Children and dogs have a built-in parent romance interference sensor.

6) I find it hard to believe that Publisher’s Clearing House is really going to give away all of that money to someone who didn’t buy something from them.

7) Light bulbs always blow in threes.

8) Robotic vacuums rock!

9) Why is it that a person will wait patiently at a drive-thru for 10  minutes for someone else to get their food through the window, but honk at the car in front of them if it fails to move within 10 seconds of the line moving forward?

10) Your dog is programmed to wake you up at least 30 minutes before you are ready and then will sleep for hours after he or she has been fed and walked and you are up for good.

11) Should you worry if someone less mechanically inclined than yourself in your family calls to ask you where the hammer and screwdriver are?

12) If a child tells you he or she is doing nothing, be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Kayla’s Clouds


Good morning Everyone!

One of the advantages of being a parent is the chance to see the various and amazing (sometimes potentially infuriating)  ways that your child finds to fill time when he or she is bored.  Having finally procured a card reader the other day, I was able to download all of the pictures from  Mark’s Nikon, about five months worth, and in the middle of the download was surprised to see a number of pictures of skies and clouds which Kayla must have taken one day when she and I were driving somewhere together.  She took some through the sunroof, some through the side window and some through the windshield.

Cloud, photography

Through the Sunroof

Although the entire batch was a little bit repetitive – if you look through all 56 of them, several times you feel like you are watching a movie that has disjointed frames – several of the pictures were interesting and noteworthy.

Cloud, Photograph, sunroof

Also through the sunroof

I picked out a few of the more notable/representative photographs to share with you.

Cloud, Photography

Cloud 3

I could tell, for the most part, which clouds were photographed through the windshield/side window and which were photographed through the sunroof, but the picture above is one I am not certain about.

Cloud, photography, windshielf

Through the windshield

This picture was taken through the windshield. I am certain of it, due to the angle of the roadside and an idea about the road we were on at the time.

Cloud, Photography

Illumination!

The glow of the sun behind the cloud in this picture makes the question of whether it was taken through the sunroof or the side window seem irrelevant, but I still couldn’t tell you which this was.

The final picture I am sharing with you is like a kiss from God.

Cloud, photography, sunroof

Kiss from God

Maybe I should leave her to her own devices more often!

Have a great day!

Nancy

Scary Deer; Sinister Squirrels!


Good morning Everyone!

Kayla was talking to me this morning about seeing three doe on the side of the road the other evening grazing, which reminded me about Kayla’s traumatic deer incident.

Doe Grazing

One Doe Grazing

Not many children carry a fear of deer, I realize, but I can trace this particular fear, which has only recently resolved, to a house-hunting expedition when she was almost five.  We were in a small town looking at houses, when we walked into one split-level ranch-style home with two bedrooms in what most people would think of as a basement area.

In one bedroom, someone apparently had thought it would be funny to take a deer head that was mounted to hang on a wall and instead tuck it neatly into a bed in the room.

Mounted Deer Head on Wall

A Mounted Deer Head on a Wall, where a Mounted Deer Head is Supposed to Reside!

That someone was not parent to an almost five-year old named Kayla.  She entered the room, and started to tremble all over.  Once we finally figured out what she was scared of, we scooted her out of there in a hurry, only to be told by her that she was certain that she saw the deer wink at her, and she could see its hooves in the bed peeking out at her!

Have you ever tried to reason with a four-year old?  I don’t recommend it, unless it is on a critical, concrete safety issue such as not playing with the stove or electrical plugs.  Apparently, a four-year old can understand avoidance of pain, but not logic with respect to the fact that mounted deer heads are not alive and do not have legs.

Ever since that day, any house hunting expedition or discussion of buying a house is prefaced by her trembling query, “But not the deer house, Mama.  Right?”

The Squirrel

I personally am not nearly as afraid of mounted deer heads as I am of the kamikaze squirrels that live along the roads that lead to our house.  I do not know what possesses these squirrels, but they run across the road recklessly regardless of approaching  vehicles.  Usually, in the spring time, you have one or two young squirrels that unfortunately are not smart enough to realize that running across the road, especially immediately in front of approaching cars,  is generally not good for a squirrel’s health,  but this spring, in our town, I have seen very large, healthy older squirrels skittle across the road without the slightest hesitation while I hit the brakes with all my might, steer to the side, swing my right arm out across Kayla’s chest as if my arm can protect her if neither the seat belt nor the air bag do, and pray that I miss the squirrel as well as the hill  on my side of the road.  The squirrels may not be suffering any anxiety from their lifestyle, but it’s about to give me nightmares!

Squirrel

A Squirrel Posted On Surveillance

All of which makes me wonder if, instead of simply comfortable but slightly stupid squirrels, my neighborhood is populated by evil squirrels hatching a sinister plot to take over the neighborhood through forcing every vehicle in it to wreck, thereby requiring the residents of the Sherwood Forest neighborhood (no lie, that is my neighborhood’s name) to have to walk everywhere. And after our neighborhood, what lies next for the squirrels?  The town, the county, the state, the country and then the world!   This theory is bolstered by the (out of neighborhood/out of county) squirrel that lies in wait for Mark on his way to work every day, ready to scurry across the road immediately in front of his car as soon as the squirrel sees it.

Maybe that’s why dogs always want to chase squirrels…

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Hair Wars: Tangled


Good morning Everyone!

One of the things I never expected to deal with as the mother of a girl was the fact that said girl would be in a permanent war with her hair.

Hair War!

Hair War!

This war is something completely foreign to me, especially since I unconditionally surrendered to my hair at about the age of 8.  I let it part where it wants to part, am reconciled to the fact that it is straight unless forced to curl with a perm (and then it stays curly foreeeeeevvvvvveeeeeeerrrrr), and know that I have very little say in the way it ultimately will look on any given day.  If it feels like having a good hair day, we will look good; if it feels like having a bad hair day, that’s why God invented baseball caps and head bands!

White Flag, surrender

The White Flag of Surrender

Kayla, however, has much more of a fighting spirit than I do about most things, so she is not about to surrender unconditionally to an inanimate object she controls.  All of these factors together brought us to the 10 minute conniption fit on Tuesday over the fact that her hair was in a mass of tangles, and it hurt to brush through it.  Well, those factors, along with the fact that the child had kept her hair up in a ponytail/bun without taking it down since Sunday morning.  When asked how she had washed her hair with it that way, she proudly announced that she had just dunked the entire ‘do in the water and spritzed some shampoo through it and then rinsed.  (Fellow parents can imagine the collective groan shared between Mark and I at that point.)

I told her she could either solve the problem, or I would solve it by brushing her hair.  This suggestion did not recommend itself to her, since when I pull the hairbrush through her hair, it does hurt some if the hair is too tangled.  I went on to finish getting ready and found, at the end of 10 minutes, that she had found a way to tame her hair into submission – mousse.  She had found some mousse, slathered her hair with it, and then brushed.

Styling Hair

Styling Hair

She enjoyed the brushing so much at that point that she kept on brushing her hair as we entered the car.  Once she finished, she pulled the visor mirror down, surveyed the results, and announced, “I like that mousse!  It brings out my inner curl!”

Rita Hayworth, Hiar Wave

Letting Your Inner Curl Shine

Have a great day everyone, and a fantastic Fourth of July!

Happy Fourth of July!

Nancy

Mandy’s Turn


husky basset hound mix

Me!

Hi!

I asked the people puppy what our  Mom is doing when she sits in front of the big black rectangle and moves her fingers while I eat breakfast.  My people puppy told me that Mom was writing, and showed me some of the posts about me in the blog our Mom writes.  I think she was a little confused when she wrote them.  She’s not really a morning person, you know – I have to work really hard to wake her up at the proper time.  Sometimes I have to circle the bed from 4 a.m. until almost 7!  I used to be able to walk on her hair to wake her up, but for some strange reason she cut most of it off, and now it is too short for me to do that.  It’s a shame, because she made some really neat noises when I would do it.

Newfound Gap

My people puppy

Any way, to help her out and make sure you don’t get the wrong idea, I thought I’d give you the real scoop on things.

Australian shepherd mix, dog in back yard, dog in sun

My sister, Tyra

It may surprise you to learn that I am adopted.  In fact, all of my siblings – my people puppy and Darwin and Tyra – are adopted as well.  It doesn’t matter, though, because Mom and Dad love all of us lots.  I do think it is a little unfair that the people puppy gets to go everywhere with them, and I don’t, but I try hard not to mind because I know that Mom and Dad love me best – why, they call me “Bad Dog” (that’s one of my nicknames) more than any of my siblings, which means that I am very special.  (My sister, Tyra, rolls her eyes when I say that like I am wrong, but I know that she’s just a little jealous about it.)

Black lab, crazy Dog

My brother Darwin – he’s a little crazy!

Although I would like to travel with Mom and Dad more, my life here is pretty good.  Darwin, my younger brother, and I play together a lot, although I am still having to teach him about proper food etiquette – I don’t like it when he tries to hang around my food bowl.  My sister Tyra is very sweet, but has a hard time moving around the house now without someone to help her.  Mom and Dad do a really good job helping her.  That’s a good thing, because if they didn’t do it, I’d probably have to!

Mom and Dad are a little odd about some things, though.  I’m always very polite and wait until they’re done, but if they’re finished with their food, why can’t I go ahead and help myself to it?  It’s not like they want it anymore!  The same is true with stuff in the trash can – does it really matter what happens to it once they are through with it?  Any reasonable person would know that such things are fair game once they hit the trash, but not Mom and Dad!  I guess every set of parents have their eccentricities.

Family picture

Mom and Dad, in 2008, during yet another trip I wasn’t allowed to go on!

They also spend part of their nights watching this square frame in the living room that makes sounds and shows pictures.  I watch it sometimes, but it,s not really that interesting – nothing on it is real.  You can see and hear the pictures, but there’s no smells attached to them.  Every thing that’s real has a specific smell.

Oh, and I need to set the record straight about the day I came home.  Mom wrote that I ran away twice, but I really didn’t.  I was just so happy that I had a chance to stretch my legs that I took a couple of joy laps.  The look on her face was really funny, too, each time that I did it!  The best part was when she picked me up in the pet store and the people puppy introduced me and told my story to every one we saw.  It really made my day!

Christmas, 2007

Mom in the morning – this was Christmas, 2007 and she was more awake than she usually is in the morning. Still, she wasn’t exactly bright eyed and bushy tailed, even then!

Uh-oh – I can hear Mom emerging from her lair now to get ready for work, so I better sign off.  Just remember what I said, keep the story straight and forgive Mom for her inaccuracies.  Poor thing, she doesn’t understand how to get up in the morning!

Mandy

Sweet Purple Nothings


Good morning Everyone!

Here are the latest updates from the wild and wonderful world of “conversations with a ten year old.”

Purple, from Print Shop Professional 2.0

PURPLE

Riding to the movie Saturday:

Kayla:  Sneezes, then announces, “Mom, my snot is purple.”

Mom, ignoring the fact that she could have gone all day without that particular information:  You’re okay.

Kayla:  Actually, my hands are purple.

Dad: Why are your hands purple?

Kayla:  Actually its my fingers.

Dad:  Why are your fingers purple?

Kayla:  I don’t know…

Mom starts laughing, effectively ending the conversation.

Children's mischief, nothing, print shop professional 2.0

An example of the kind of “nothing” that goes on at our house…

NOTHING

Another conversational trick that Kayla has adopted lately is the convenient use of the word “nothing.”  She however is using it in a slightly different context than the designer of the word intended it to be used.  Most conversations go like this:

Mom, hearing strange and ominous sounds coming from Kayla’s bedroom:  Kayla, what are you doing?

Kayla:  Nothing.

Mom:  What kind of nothing?

Kayla, more angrily:  NOTHING!

Mom sighs, then gets up to investigate, certain to find that “nothing” actually means something, and usually something that she’d rather Kayla not be doing at the moment.

Have a great day everyone!

Nancy

Just Sayin’


Good morning everyone!

Here are some observations:

1) You can know the location of every light switch in the house and what light or socket it goes to and you will still manage to turn on the garbage disposal instead of the kitchen light at least twice a week.

2) It takes a child about 10 minutes to get up, dressed and ready to go somewhere.  Multiply that number by at least 6 if you plan to get anywhere on time.

3) All dogs love to sleep.  The signal for them to get up is when you lie down.

4) Adults will irritably tell a child that has been asked to do a chore and who is stalling that the chore is just not that hard and to get on with it.  If that is true, then why aren’t the adults doing it themselves?

5) There’s nothing like moving to a new place.  Thank goodness!

6) The amount of stuff you collect is directly proportional by a factor of twelve to the number of years you live in a house. (Think about it – it will make sense in a minute.)

7) The crinkling of a chip bag is a miracle cure for all dog ailments.  It works well for minor illnesses in children, also.

8) Exactly why does it take five tries for the parental command to proceed past the child’s ears to his or brain and nervous system?

9) You never understand the concept of making a joyful noise until you turn a 10 year old loose on a keyboard when she doesn’t think anyone is paying attention.

10) I have five different sync cables around me, and a universal 3 in 1 cable I bought yesterday.  Not one of them fits the camera I need to download pictures from.

11) While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, God does great work!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nancy